1. Best midsize sedan for the price?
I’m going to go with a nice Buick Regal. It’ll set you back less than 30 grand, and makes for a nice, smooth ride. I’m biased because my folks had a ’95 LeSabre when I was growing up, and I’ll always have a soft spot for that car.
2. Would you rather ride bitch on a moped or drive a pink Prius?
Bitch on a moped for sure. The bitch seat doesn’t even matter, because dying in a moped is 100% more exciting than dying in a car, let alone a Prius.
3. Best and worst things about Austin?
Best things: Torchy’s Tacos, Sixth Street bars, Lake Travis, the live music scene. Worst things: Dan Regester and everything he touches.
4. Do you consider yourself a good writer?
I’d put myself somewhere in between “great writer” and “greatest writer.”
5. What is your favorite thing about being the intern?
Probably the fact that I get to share a ton of wisdom with these guys on the daily. This is a great website, but I’m going to take this thing to the next level. Fail Friday? That’s cute, let’s try Fail February. Exec Board? Those are okay, but how about a shot-for-shot remake of Schindler’s List where all the characters wear Rowdy Gentleman attire? We’re going places.
6. Are you a top or a bottom?
I’ve taken to being a power bottom. After all, your mom loves it.
7. What is your favorite way to make a pledge cry?
Make him watch My Dog Skip. That one is a tear-jerker.
8. Can you kill yourself as slowly as possible, and livestream it?
I’ll do it for the #Views. It’s going to be quick and painless, though. I crave the attention, but not that much.
9. Would you rather get explosive diarrhea every time you see your boss, or every time you see your significant other’s parents?
This is a tough one. I don’t have a girlfriend, but might get one eventually. I would just go with that, but I’d also love to leave Dorn’s office smelling awful several times a week.
10. Would you rather have the best house in a shitty neighborhood or the worst house in a nice neighborhood?
Hands down, best house in a shit neighborhood. I really, really need to feel like I’m better than everyone else..
Send your questions to @westifer33 on Twitter
To listen to TFM’s writers rip Intern Wes a new asshole because he’s a worthless pile of shit, subscribe to The Inside TFM Podcast on iTunes and listen to this week’s episode.