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Qatar Will Deal With Drunks At The World Cup “Very Gently,” Probably Working On More Humane Death Punishments

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So the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is apparently still happening, despite the soccer venues being forged together with the decaying corpses of migrant workers and the weather conditions being comparable to playing a game on the fucking sun.

“Oh, Daanish just keeled over? Damn. He was always holding everyone else up when they were down. Add him to the pile we’re making into a support beam. He would have liked that.”

I guess the FBI swinging America’s big ol’ freedom rod and arresting all of FIFA just wasn’t enough. The tournament has been bought and paid for by oil slinging Sheiks and my guess is the new soccer officials that took over for Sepp Blatter and company are in the back pocket of these solid gold robe wearing tycoons, too.

So come 2022, countrymen from around the planet will foolishly go to “Cutter” or “Ca-TAR.” Has anyone figured out how to pronounce this damn nation yet? Whatever. Either way, it’s still a mistake.

Like 99.9% of the Middle East, there are strict regulations on the consumption of alcohol, which clashes with a major sponsor, Anheuser-Busch, and just the general behavior of all fans that are typically involved with this event.

Qatar isn’t entirely dry, like its neighbors Saudi Arabia and Kuwait, but it might as well be. Public drunkenness is prohibited. So is BYOB from out of country. You’ll have to tolerate Qatar booze in specific designated drinking zones if you want to get any sort of a buzz going. Government officials are also creating special courts to address alcohol related problems in which they will deal with perpetrators “very gently.”

From The Guardian:

“In relation to drunk fans it will be as it is anywhere else. Anyone who is rowdy, anyone who breaches the law, will be very gently – depending on how they react – taken care of in a manner to make sure that people are not disrupting the public order,” said Thawadi. “Everyone will be able to have fun and be exposed to Qatari culture.”

I assume under any other circumstance they would probably stone the intoxicated, but it sounds like they’re thinking of more contemporary, humane ways to execute the guilty. That’s big of Qatar. Granted, bludgeoning every rowdy Englishmen or turnt Brazilian that makes a mockery of your “designated drinking areas” wouldn’t exactly be the most time efficient punishment method. You’d be hurling rocks for months, if not years. Best to take care of them in a “very gently” faster way.

[via The Guardian]

Image via Youtube

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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