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Four Radford Fraternities Suspended Because Of An Outlandish Online Rumor And Also Because People Are Hopeless Morons

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It’s rare to see four fraternities to get suspended all at once. Something pretty hardcore has to go down. Like, say, having pledges raise and then murder a baby goat. And by “go down” I of course actually mean some random, uninformed, pearl clutching jerkoff just has to hear a rumor and then publicly float it no matter how baseless or outrageous it sounds. No really, that’s all that needs to happen.

Four fraternities at Radford University, located near Roanoke, Virginia, have been suspended amid allegations they abused a baby goat. On Monday, the university suspended Delta Chi, Sigma Pi, Pi Lamda Phi, and Alpha Sigma Phi.

This is by far the biggest scandal to hit Radford in years. Mind you, nothing actually happened, but it’s still HUGE.

The cause for concern? Well, this excerpt from a petition likely had something to do with it.

“It’s come to public attention that a prominent fraternity at Radford University has a goat in custody for purposes other than atypical livestock studies or university related reasons. It is not verified, but is suspected that the goat is being raised by pledges in order for them to then kill it as initiation into the fraternity.”

Sweet donkey punching Jesus. People actually still believe this shit happens in fraternities? What in the actual fuck? The “pledges raise and kill baby animal” rumor is decades, if not centuries old, and on every campus in America. It’s basically an urban legend. Spoiler alert, geeds: I’ve been around this fraternity game for awhile and have never heard a legitimate story about abusing an animal being part of a hazing or initiation ritual, you stupid cocks.

In an added twist to the story, an organization called “Goats of Anarchy” (which, like, why?) reportedly alerted the school of Goatgate.


“The reports raised concerns with the New Jersey-based baby goat rescue group, Goats of Anarchy.

Founder Leanna Lauricella said she called the police when she found out about the goat and said she even spoke with one of the members of the fraternity.

“One of the boys said that they had the goat and they sold him for $5 when they got a new puppy because the goat became unmanageable,” said Laricella.”

How in the actual fuck do people believe this shit? Do you think once they find out it wasn’t true they take a step back and think, “Whoa. I was a dumb gullible idiot twat for believing that? Lesson learned.” Nah. They just skip along thinking, “Oh well!” That somehow includes the adults who run Radford University by the way. There are no real words to describe how incompetent that administration must be. Unless the sound of my head slamming into my desk followed quickly by an exasperated exhale can be spelled. “Bamguh” maybe? I don’t even know.

Meanwhile, authorities are reportedly still trying to track down the baby. You’re probably concerned about his well being too. I have a theory.

RIP Billy.

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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