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Would You Eat Radioactive Boar Meat And Risk Death To Become Super Human?

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Look, I’m no doctor or lab coat jockey, but I’ve played enough Fallout 3 and watched my fair share of both superhero and post-apocalyptic movies to know how this whole nuclear radiation thing works out. Too much exposure to radiation and you’ll be less Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk and more Patrick Swayze transforming into Tumor Man. I get that. Fucking around with this stuff is high risk-high reward that could easily end with strands of DNA breaking down and my skin peeling off like an onion. Yet, this story that’s been making the rounds today about wild Fukushima boars terrorizing Japan has me wanting to dive head first into the contaminated wasteland.

From the NY Times:

Hundreds of toxic wild boars have been roaming across northern Japan, where the meltdown of the Fukushima nuclear plant six years ago forced thousands of residents to desert their homes, pets and livestock.

Photographs and video footage of the crisis-hit Japanese towns and villages are reminiscent of Chernobyl, where wildlife continues to thrive despite high radiation levels in the aftermath of the world’s worst nuclear accident in 1986. With the absence of humans, Chernobyl, in Ukraine, has become a refuge for all kinds of animals, including moose, deer, brown bear, lynx and even wolves.

Wild boar meat is a delicacy in northern Japan, but animals slaughtered since the disaster are too contaminated to eat. According to tests conducted by the Japanese government, some of the boars have shown levels of radioactive element cesium-137 that are 300 times higher than safety standards.

Safety standards are for squids that don’t want to achieve greatness. These animals are getting bigger and badder while flourishing in the harsh chemically polluted environment, so you got to think devouring this atomically charged pulled pork would transfer the benefits to our species. You are what you eat after all. Plus, it can’t be that much worse than all the preworkout supplements we already put into our bodies on a daily basis. And who says no to mutating into a super, radioactive immune beast? We can genetically enhance the human race while thinning out the herd. Sounds like a win-win and the next logical evolutionary step for all of mankind.

[via NY Times]

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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