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As a guy who has peed himself upwards of five times in the past year, I can really relate to Redskins coach Ben Kotwica. In the middle of the Redskins-Lions game on Sunday, Kotwica, the Redskins’ special teams coordinator, heard the call of nature, and was faced with a moral dilemma: To pee or not to pee? It’s not like he could just sneak off to relieve himself in a restroom like an adult. That’s how you go from being a coordinator to being the guy who picks up trash outside the stadium. However, the pressure seemed to be getting to him, and he was close to popping right then and there. That’s when Coach Kotwica called an audible and did what any man would do — he snuck behind a trashcan and peed in a cup in front of a stadium that can hold 65,000 screaming fans.
Unfortunately, a voyeuristic mother was on deck to catch him in the act. Check out the photos on TMZ.com
Looks like NFL coaches really can perform in any situation. Some jamokes can’t even take a leak with someone in the same bathroom, let alone in front of a mom, her two kids, and the other 18 people who have nothing better to do on a Sunday than to go to a Lions game. You get a lesser man in that situation and the only way other teams will remember him is as Coach Peepants; the guy who prematurely “spilled a cooler on himself.” Not one, but two pieces of the Redskins organization (according to TMZ.com) apparently had the testicular fortitude to take a quick in-game leak, and for that we applaud them. As a Bears fan, I can confidently say that Brian Hoyer would never have the composure to pull this off.
If Lions fans are really upset about this, they’ll do the right thing and keep a Port-a-John on the sidelines. It might not actually solve anything, but the prospect of Aaron Rodgers or Andrew Luck getting knocked into it is just too hilarious to pass up. Get a mental picture of Rodgers’ stupid little mustache tinged a shade of blue/brown as he emerges from a toppled faux-outhouse. It’s poetic. If that’s not a hilarious reality the Lions want to live in, then I suggest they just get the fuck over Kotwica’s little (emphasis on little) snafu and accept the situation for what it is: everybody pees..