Current Events

Republicans Are Big Fans of Privatized Dances

Hearing that rich old white guys love strippers is a lot like hearing that it’s hot in the summertime. It’s obvious, and when people remind you about it you get annoyed because you’re trying to enjoy your summer/strip club experience despite the heat/creepy strangers with boners who are an arm’s length away.

So obviously it makes sense that GOP members, young and old, are excellent strip club customers. How good of customers are they? Good enough to have every major strip club in the greater Tampa Bay area seriously preparing for the 2012 Republican National Convention. It’s a good time to be a pole greaser in Tampa Bay.

As Tampa gears up for the Republican National Convention, the biggest party it has ever held, the city and its businesses are primping and polishing for the August arrival of tens of thousands of visitors. Like it or not — mostly not, for city officials — Tampa’s well-known strip clubs have joined the welcome wagon.

Club owners here say they have schmoozed with their counterparts in former host cities, like Denver, and have been told that revenue pours in during conventions, sometimes quadrupling earnings from a Super Bowl week.

It does not surprise me one bit that political conventions bring more money to strip clubs than Super Bowls. I mean yeah there are a lot of high rollers and rich guys attending the Super Bowl, but the best customers are busy preparing for a championship. I imagine that at political conventions, even after a good day, all you’d want to do is blow off steam.

Denver, if you’ll recall, was where the last Democratic National Convention was held. So does that mean that both Democrats and Republicans are great strip club customers? Nope, not even close, not even when John Edwards was still invited to DNCs.

Angelina Spencer, the executive director of the Association of Club Executives, which serves as a trade association for strip clubs, said an informal survey of convention business in New York and Denver had determined that Republicans dropped more money at clubs, by far.

“Hands down, it was Republicans,” she said. “The average was $150 for Republicans and $50 for Democrats.”

The difference is a hundred dollars!? Is that counting rappers? Well done GOP. That is a dominant victory, and it is a victory. If someone told me I was the best customer at a strip club I’d wear it as a badge of honor. Unfortunately I’m usually disqualified from that title for throwing rolls of quarters at the strippers. Ten dollars is ten dollars, dammit! If I was throwing a couple Hamiltons up there they’d be ecstatic. Hypocrites.

This news is enough to make me want road trip it to Tampa for the RNC. Whoever snags a picture of themselves wearing a “Mitt’s the Tits” t-shirt in a Tampa strip club during the RNC wins a prize. Seriously. I just decided that.

[h/t to FratchesterCountyNY]

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