Response To A Girl’s Pissed Off Dad

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Editors Note: Whitney Tilson, Manager of Kase Capital, wrote an angry response to a New York Times article about college girls preferring casual hookups over relationships. This is a response to Whitney.

Yesterday you wrote a pretty upset blog post (You have a blog? And a link to a PowerPoint presentation you made? Do you have a Pinterest account to show off “Totally Awesome Brunch Decor?” You’re a grown man, get it together) about the expanding hookup culture on college campuses, and how it’s “horrifying.” The New York Post ran with a story about you (because you’re a rich older man with, ahem, a blog?) and quoted you in their headline: “If a guy tells you to get down on your knees – bite it!”

Dude, I’m with you…kind of. There’s nothing good about a guy who makes demands of a woman in a compromising position (unless that demand is “Cuddle me! Now!” – ladies?), but I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here — I will not get my dick bitten off mid-beej, right? I mean, no one is confusing you to mean that blowjobs are inherently demeaning, because they definitely are NOT. I believe we’re past that point as a society, mostly because men of our generation are a tad less selfish than yours, if you know what I mean. I’m referring, of course, to the old Swashbuckle Swirl. The Tennessee Tornado. The Michael Douglas. The Does This Feel Good? The Did You Go? Like a chicken served at Medieval Times, it’s all hands and tongue, my man. No utensils. No rules. Just right. You get it. But do you, though?

The Post picked up on the most hyperbolic part of your blog post, but diving into the rest of it, you really seemed like a hipster in women’s jeans — uncomfortable with sexuality as a whole. At one point, you say, “Hookups can lead to this,” and then you quote a story of date rape. That’s like saying, “Chainsaws can lead to this,” and then showing a video of a dude cut in half begging for his legs back. Yeah, duh, there’s risks. It’s important to be careful out there. Wrap it up. Walk with friends at night. Don’t drink too much. Write the email to Kara telling her you peed next to that geed she was talking with, and his penis is nothing special and then delete it. Buy a whole pizza for yourself, eat it all, then make yourself throw up a little so you don’t look so fat the next day. But would we say that women who occasionally hook up with guys are as “massively stupid,” as you claim they are?

I get it, you’ve got three daughters; two are teenagers. Man, that’s a tough road, but this was what you signed up for. It’s part of the deal. Complaining about the possibility of their sexuality is like complaining that your Vespa doesn’t go fast enough. As a matter of fact, you were able to have three children due to your wife’s own sexuality. I’d wager she’s even given you a blowjob. And guess what? She’s got a dad that probably didn’t want her little girl’s lips wrapped around someone’s heat. Ahh, C’est la vie.

So, try not to slut-shame every college girl who has gently placed a couple penises into her “temple” of a vagina. This is sex, man. Your fears of your daughters getting taken advantage of are valid — any father or brother would understand. But to pass that fear on to them is to disempower them, you’re putting them in a guarded, sexually uncomfortable position. Ironically, it might even sack them of the kind of confidence they need to walk away when a man they like doesn’t treat them right. I hope you have the awareness to tell your daughters to be careful and smart, not afraid. Fear, after all, creates victims. And maybe, just maybe, they might want to get laid once in awhile.

When your daughter turns 21 and I hit on her in the bar and she goes home with me (I’ll be sixty-three), it won’t be because she’s sucked all the dicks in the world. It won’t be because she grew up in a hook-up culture. It won’t be because I’m a lion and she’s my helpless prey (in real life. But in my head? – yes). It will be because she likes me and I like her, and because she wants my boner a whole bunch and I want her vagina. It will be because she’s choosey enough about her BJs that she knows enough but not too much. Because sex isn’t an attack on your little princess. It’s a two-way street, homie. It’s a beautiful dance. And I’ll see you at Thanksgiving…Dad.


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Jared Freid (@jtrain56) is a New York City-based comedian who has been featured on MTV’s Failosophy and is the host of The JTrain Podcast presented by TFM.

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