It’s time to change the way we think about the best drink to have in the shower. Everyone here has heard about the innovation of the shower beer, and for a long time, that’s been the gold standard of shower drinking. But now it’s time to start a revolution. It’s time to bring in the era of the shower gin.
I’ve dabbled with several different drinks to bring into the shower in order to maximize the shower experience. I started with the beer route — starting with the good ol’ American classics like Bud Heavy and Coors and then switching to those craft beers that have sort of ironic names I don’t really understand. I’ve slummed it up with different malt liquors, channeling my inner hobo to test the balances in the dichotomy between pure cleanliness and pure filth. I’ve tried different kinds of wine to discover what it would be like if I were a 40-year-old divorcee just waiting for the time when she can finally get away from her kids. I’ve even tried shower whiskey, which sounds great in theory but becomes uncomfortable when you combine hot water bearing down on you with the warmth of the whiskey that tears apart your insides with ferocity normally only found in leftover Indian food. As you can probably gather, I’m basically a connoisseur of shower alcohol consumption. Even though I’ve gone through all of these failed experiments, the realization of the shower gin has been completely worth all of the failures.
Gin isn’t the most common liquor people think of when they think of their go-tos, but its versatility is what sets it apart. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a successful rapper, but don’t want to have to deal with getting shot at? Enjoy the comfort of gin and juice as you soak away the failed attempt of getting with the girl you eyed across the bar last night. Maybe you’ve always wondered what it’s like to be a grandma who sits in her Floridian beach house or a 20-something-year-old living in Chicago? If that’s the case, a Tom Collins is the way to go. If you’re a broke college student or post-grad, then you can never go wrong with the experience of Seagram’s Lime and Sprite. It lets you live a little of the good life, while also showing that you’re probably broke as shit.
Although there’s nothing wrong with any of those choices, the pinnacle of shower gin achievement is the time-tested gin & tonic. The benefits of the gin and tonic have been chronicled throughout generations, but drinking one of these timeless classics in the shower creates a whole new experience of bliss. Everyone loves the feeling of getting out of the shower and smelling like an Irish spring, but imagine if you could get that same feeling inside of you as well, all while getting a solid buzz on. It’s like having the scent of a freshly cut Christmas tree running through your veins without the hassle of finding a way mainline an actual Christmas tree. There’s nothing better than finishing your day feeling like a whole new you after dealing with the failures of final exams or the monotony of sitting at a cubicle all day.
Sure, some people may think you’re an alcoholic for drinking in the shower, but the people that spew this kind of filth are always the unhappiest people around. It’s time to take a stand for what we deserve. We deserve to be better than the common man, better than our forefathers that introduced us to shower beer. It’s time to bring the shower gin into your rotation, and leave all the plebes who think the shower beer is the best behind..
Image via YouTube/anthony presta