There are certain things you don’t know you need until you have them. Take this Sports Illustrated article, for example. Did I ever wonder how NHL goalies took shits? No. Do I want to know now? Oddly, yes.
We’ve all seen or heard about golfers, baseball players, basketball players, and football players dropping their drawers when the time calls, but that’s easy. Try taking off 20 pounds of goalie pads, dropping deuce, and then lacing back up before the next period starts.
Luckily, Sports Illustrated got to the bottom of things:
Nine years ago, during the third period Western Conference semi-finals Game 5 against Anaheim, Vancouver netminder Roberto Luongo developed, as he describes it today, ‘a little bit of a bellyache.’ He dismissed the feeling at first, hoping it would disappear in the heat of competition. After all, the Canucks were already down three games to one in the series and needed a road win to stay alive.
Trailing 1–0, Luongo saved eight shots in the third period and Alex Burrows tied the game at the 11:03 mark. Before heading onto the ice for overtime, Luongo felt his bellyache worsen and realized he couldn’t fight it off much longer. Fortunately, a trainer assured him that the officials wouldn’t drop the puck until he returned from the can. ‘I was there doing my business and I hear the play starting in the arena,’ Luongo says. ‘So I panicked there. I don’t remember if I wiped. I just put my gear back on, tried to get out there as soon as I could.’
When Luongo reached the bench, he saw that backup Dany Sabourin was in Vancouver’s crease. During the next three minutes and 34 seconds, Sabourin stopped five would-be-game-winners, admirably relieving Luongo after Luongo had relieved himself.
‘That’s just the way it is with me,’ Luongo says. ‘Bad stomach. Coffees don’t help, but I need those. Sometimes you’ve got to pay the price.’
Even the veteran goaltenders need to shit at the most inopportune times. Can you imagine Luongo explaining that one to the media if they lost with Sabourin in net? A press conference for the ages. Luongo did end up shitting away the game, but didn’t shit himself, so that’s a win…kinda.
NHL goalie pads can weigh in excess of 50 pounds and that’s without taking into account the straps, snaps, ties, zips, buttons and whatever else they’ve got to go through to make sure everything sits properly. Pooping is an ordeal in the hockey big leagues.
In June of last year, many suspected Tampa Bay Lightning goalie Ben Bishop needed a bathroom break during Stanley Cup Final Game 2. Bishop left the extremely important game twice within a few minutes.
Luongo suspected a bathroom break, but we never did get to the bottom of that.
Must be diarrhea….. #expertanalasys
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 7, 2015
The entire Sports Illustrated article is worth a read and I’m more than glad someone took the time to write it. NHL goalies — they’re just like us.
Razor Reaugh is the best color commentator in the game..
[via Sports Illustrated]
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