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Rory McIlroy Dumps His Hot Fiancée, Suddenly Remembers How To Win

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It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Rory McIlroy. After claiming the title of the world’s top golfer, he found himself a hot, tennis-playing fiancée, fell off the map, and consequently lost his ranking as the best golfer in the world.

Following a tradition set by many men before him, McIlroy sacrificed a promising golf career for the sake of love. It’s an honorable but horrible mistake. In his defense, though, she is really fucking hot.

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Daaaamn. Just look at that O-face.

Anyway, gawking aside, McIlroy’s golf game has been relative shit lately.

Last week, McIlroy came to his senses and ended his relationship with Caroline Wozniacki just days after mailing wedding invitations to several hundred guests. He gave an emotional press conference just before the start of the European Tour’s BMW PGA Championship, and afterward, he proceeded to do something he had done only once in the past year and a half: win.

At the start of the final round, McIlroy was down seven strokes. By the end of the round, he was the leader by one stroke, earning him his first victory since December and only his second since November 2012.

When asked about his whirlwind week, McIlroy proved to be on his way to learning a very valuable lesson. From ESPN:

“I was just focusing on the job at hand which was to play golf and get the ball in the hole in the lowest number of shots possible … It’s obviously been a week of very mixed emotions, but I’m sitting here looking at this trophy going, `How the hell, how did it happen this week?’ But it did.”

What have we learned from McIlroy’s plight and resurrection? Fuck bitches, get money. Wife bitches, lose dearly. It’s simple science.

Stick to the slams, kids.

[via ESPN]

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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