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Russian President Vladimir Putin Stole One Of Patriots Owner Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl Rings…WHAT!?!

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We here at TFM, readers and writers alike, tend to define what exactly being frat, or pulling a frat move entails a couple of different ways. Objectively, if I were to tell you about a man who rides horses shirtless, hunts deadly beasts for shits and gigs, bangs out hot Russian gymnasts, and generally averages a power move once every 4.37 minutes, you would probably say to yourself, “Shit, this guy sounds FaF.” Unfortunately this guy also happens to be the leader of Russia, and a general hater of freedom who is making a mockery of democracy. This guy is Vladimir Putin. He’s a dick.

Putin pretty much does whatever the fuck he feels like doing, at all times. It’d be impressive if I didn’t dislike the guy so much. The former KGB agent turned leader of Russia, probably until he decides to stop being the leader of Russia, or until he gets the Romanov treatment (*crosses fingers*), has little to no regard for anything but his own desires. I do have to admit though, his PR game is on point. He’s a ruthless dictator who wants to prove to his people that he isn’t just a man, but THE man. Putin’s image is like a terrifying combination of Dos Equis’ The Most Interesting Man in the World and Bill Brasky. What’s more impressive is that he pulls it off. You almost believe Putin can’t be the power move pulling, wolf wrestling alpha male he makes himself out to be, but then you remember that he was in the KGB and has probably offed at least a dozen people, and also he does shit like this, via The New York Post:

Kraft explained the incident happened while Sandy Weill and other business execs were in St. Petersburg. “I took out the ring and showed it to [Putin], and he put it on and he goes, ‘I can kill someone with this ring,’ ” Kraft told the crowd at Carnegie Hall’s Medal of Excellence gala at the Waldorf-Astoria.“I put my hand out and he put it in his pocket, and three KGB guys got around him and walked out.”

Putin wasn’t being hyperbolic by saying he could kill someone with the ring either. He literally recognized and appreciated the fact that he could actually extinguish a life with the gaudy Super Bowl ring, so he pocketed it. Like I said, the guy does whatever the fuck he wants. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s how Putin initially evaluated every new thing he comes across. “Could I kill someone with this, yes or no?”

There’s like a 90% chance that sometime later Putin was standing shirtless and sweaty in a dark room in the Kremlin basement, personally beating information out of a Russian mole working for the CIA, the ring on his right hand as a little bit of irony for the guy in cahoots with the Americans, putting dent after dent into the mole’s skull. That’s a TPM, Total Putin Move.

Kraft was rightfully pissed that Putin took the ring from him, and was going to let the world know what happened, but the Bush administration stepped in.

Kraft released a statement at the time, “President Putin, a great and knowledgable sports fan, was clearly taken with its uniqueness. I decided to give him the ring as a symbol of the respect and admiration that I have for the Russian people and [his] leadership.

But Kraft really wanted the 4.94-carat bauble back, he said Thursday, admitting he’d gotten a call from the George W. Bush-run White House, saying, “‘It would really be in the best interest of US-Soviet relations if you meant to give the ring as a present.” (In fact the Soviet Union had collapsed 14 years earlier.)

But, Kraft said, “I really didn’t [want to]. I had an emotional tie to the ring, it has my name on it. I don’t want to see it on eBay. There was a pause on the other end of the line, and the voice repeated, ‘It would really be in the best interest if you meant to give the ring as a present.’ ” The ring is now reportedly kept in the Kremlin library.

Total bitch move by all parties there. You weren’t in Russia anymore Kraft, say whatever you want to say. Putin stole your Super Bowl ring. Fuck that guy. And to the Bush White House, I understand international relations are sensitive, especially with a country like Russia, and that 2005 was a tough time for America in terms of dealing with the rest of the world, but you really pussed out on that one. What was that phone conversation even like?

Kraft: But he took my ring! That thing wasn’t cheap! He just took it!

White House: Yeah, he does that. You just gotta kinda roll with it.

Kraft: That’s ridiculous. Can you at least buy me another one?

(*there’s a click, then dial tone*)

Kraft: Hello? HELLO!?!?! Goddammit.

[via The New York Post]


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