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Those of us who proudly belong to the Piss Drunk, Drunk Pisser Club have long been discriminated against for our lack of both bladder control and decency. To us, the world is not just our oyster, it is also our toilet. But no more will we be oppressed and pressured to relieve ourselves behind closed doors. The time has come to let it flow, let it flow. The stares never bothered us anyway.
Dolores Park in San Francisco has a long, glorious history of public urination. This translates to a long history of victimizing our small-bladdered brethren. Previously the park only had 3 toilets for the public to use, but this wasn’t an issue. Being a park, there are plenty of bushes that make for great spots to take aim, and being in the middle of a city, there are tons of buildings that make equally good locations. The persecution of public urinators started simply enough with an increase in the fine, if caught, up to $500 in 2002. More recently, things took a turn for the creative.
Last summer, the city’s public works division made headlines by experimenting with coating some walls with a paint that causes fluid to splash back onto public urinators.
Testing out a new pee repellent that "pees back" to prevent public urination. pic.twitter.com/6eDJ4w9MWH
— SF Public Works (@sfpublicworks) July 23, 2015
The rebounding piss is an interesting tactic, but we’ve been catching splatter on the cuffs of our pants and shoes for ages. So what if a couple more drops find themselves a little higher up on the pants? We’re stronger than that. We’re better than that. When you gotta go, you gotta go, and you can bet your ass we are gonna go. If anything, this probably just encouraged urinators to step further away from building, putting them even further into plain sight.
Wars are not won overnight. Through grit, determination, and consistent, unwavering public urination, we have finally been vindicated. The latest and greatest addition to the park is an outdoor urinal. It features a circular fence standing roughly six feet tall and a screen above a drain to both give you something to aim at and prevent you from any passers-by being touched by your stream. The park has also added 27 more toilets, but the real victory here lies in the freedom San Franciscans have just been given.
My friends, pee at last, pee at last, go forth in public and pee at last..
Image via Twitter/@sfpublicworks