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Security Footage Showing Jameis Winston Shoplifting Crab Legs Released

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Did you guys know the French, our NATO allies, are selling two high tech amphibious assault ships to Vladimir Putin and Russia for more than a billion dollars? Two ships, that according to U.S. intelligence, Russia does not have the technological capabilities to manufacture on their own, and that will bolster Russia’s military capabilities in an area of need. All this despite Putin’s clear disdain for the U.S. and NATO, the White House’s strong disapproval of the sale, and Russia’s recent incredibly troublesome aggression against neighboring countries? A troubling development, if not strategically certainly symbolically. Eh fuck it who cares, here’s the Heisman trophy winner stealing seafood on video.

Jameis just strolls right out with those bad boys in hand, high against his chest for everyone to see. I get the whole “act natural” thing when shoplifting, the “I totally bought this don’t worry about me” routine. However, the problem is that there isn’t a person in the history of modern shopping who has ever said to the cashier, “Just the crab legs, and no, I don’t need a bag.” Not your smoothest move, Jameis.


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