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Let The World Know You Want Nudes And You Want Them Now

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Do you enjoy nudes? Sure you do. Nothing in life is more satisfying than opening up Snapchat or a random text message and being greeted by the warm glow of a fresh and unexpected nude. Nudes are what make the world go ’round, and that has been proven by both scientists and religious philosophers. And while getting nudes has never been easier than it was in 2016 with all the different forms of screenshottable “disappearing” social media messages and technological advances in cell phone camera quality, it has never been more important that you go into the New Year letting people know where they can send their nudes: to you.

Here’s the thing with nudes, though: they’re nudes. This game is one of subtlety, class, and perversion. If you’re all out in the open in everyone’s face screaming about nudes, they’ll lock you up in the insane asylum. So what do you do?


Allakazam! You wear this fucking shirt. Upon first glance, every female in the world will think, “Hey look at this sexy fuck toy wearing a shirt with one of those eyesight testing charts on it,” but subliminally you’ll have burrowed deep down into her medulla oblongata that she needs to send you her nudes and she needs to send them to you now.

Game. Set. Match.


Finding ways to solicit nudes in clever ways has become somewhat of an art, and while this shirt takes that artform to a whole new level, we wanted to take some time to appreciate the trailblazers that came before us. Enjoy the geniuses below.

A video posted by TFM (@totalfratmove) on


A video posted by TFM (@totalfratmove) on

A photo posted by TFM (@totalfratmove) on

A photo posted by TFM (@totalfratmove) on


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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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