As you can tell by the headline, this isn’t good news.
A huge swarm of sharks that shut down beaches in Florida is migrating up the East Coast in a display that, while stunning, has spring breakers staying out of the water.
How big can it be? Aren’t most shark species endangered?
Tens of thousands of the predators — mostly blacktip and spinner sharks — are now coming to shore, and towards swimmers, during their annual migration north.
Ok, that’s a lot more than I thought. Ten thousand of anything with that many teeth is likely to mess up your beach plans. But aren’t sharks pretty common around Florida? Should this really be such a big deal?
Craig Pollock, a lifeguard supervisor in Palm Beach, said that sharks for the most part don’t disturb the area beaches.
“We don’t have a sandbar. A lot of times when we have a sandbar the sharks stay off of the shore a little further,” he said.
“Every year we expect annual shark migration to come through this area,” Pollock said.
But the migration from Florida to North Carolina usually starts and ends sooner — well before Florida’s prime beach season. But that’s not the case this year.
Fan-fucking-tastic. No sandbars to keep away the sharks AND way more sharks than usual? Shaping up to be a great time at the beach. Either sharks just randomly decided to migrate later for a natural reason, or they’re smart enough to figure out that spring breakers will make for a damn good buffet.
Looks like all of us headed to Florida this spring break will have to stay on the shore and do our drinking, unless we want the week to turn into a college-themed Jaws remake.
But remember everyone, if a shark tries to mess with you, go for the eyes or the gills. It’ll hurt the shark like hell and give you a chance to get away. Make that fucker regret trying to make you his lunch.
Know this, sharks: we aren’t afraid of you. We’re too drunk to be afraid of you. And if you eat us, may you all die of alcohol poisoning.
[via ABC News]