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Skipping Class To Nurse A Hangover Is Costing You Money, Say Nerds

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Bueller? Bueller?

As (California’s Claremont McKenna College) CMC students Nathan Falk and Katya Abazajian remind their peers in The Forum student newspaper, “For the cost of attending a [once-a-week] seminar class, you could buy a ticket to Coachella, fly round-trip to New York, get a suite at the Wynn hotel in Vegas, buy an iPad, or get 26 guest meals at [the campus dining hall]. For missing a twice-a-week class, you are throwing away a pair of Beats [headphones], a chance to go skydiving, or 10 handles of liquid courage. For the cost of missing a Monday/Wednesday/Friday class, you could see 12 movies… buy yourself a Kindle, or take a certain Forum writer on a very nice date.”

A few things, here. Let me go on record saying that opportunity costs might as well be synonymous with crackpot theory. Opp. Costs are mere numbers and formulas being thrown out by bookworms who’d rather sit on their white knuckles and day-dream, rather than going out and doing. No wonder these bullpen dweebs aren’t being called to the mound by real economic big leaguers, such as the geniuses over at CNBC.

Secondly, what a dumb list put together. And let me stave off the inevitable Claremont McKenna College fanboy backlash now. This isn’t me coming at you with the typical Claremont McKenna College bashing that you see all the time on ESPN message boards. On the contrary, my blood runs Stag garnet and UTI-colored gold.

But for that many Benjamins being saved from not skipping class, who in their right mind is flying to Coachella? That’s such a Claremont McKenna College move. Call me old fashioned, but Kindles can’t touch books when it comes to destroying the rain forest, so, uh, no. Cross off skydiving from the list, also. I learned my lesson about death plunges when I used to film Notre Dame scrimmages.

“If you hate your classes, you’re probably not taking the right ones,” (Eastern Illinois University senior Ashley) Holstrom contends. “I know each major has those few mandatory classes that everyone dreads, but if that’s how you feel about every class, I’d suggest spending some time soul searching. After all, you only have four years to enjoy this place. Is it really worth it to miss out on potentially intelligent lectures and debates to get an extra hour of sleep?

Easy for you to say, Ash, what with you and the rest of the brainiacs going to Eastern Illinois University, also known as the Harvard of east central Illinois.

Basically, what I’m saying is this whole article is garbage, even by the standards of USA Today (more like USA Yesterday, as in, newspapers are yesterday’s news, amirite? RIGHT?? *looks around the room for a high-five,* *says joke one more time in case the crickets are from no one hearing me* *cries softly*).

The premise that “you’re burning a hole in your pocket by skipping class” can all be refuted with one simple sentence: It’s not my money.

/does the DX “Suck It” move


[via USA Today Educate]

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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