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Social Media And The Evolution Of The Shameless Internet Pervert

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Internet anonymity is turning us into assholes. Some people are rude and offensive, some spend many hours each day trying to unnerve others, and some are shameless perverts.

Remember that quirky introvert you went to high school with named Jeff? He wore that same black T-shirt with dandruff on it every day. You and your boys called him “Weird Jeff.” He didn’t say much back in high school, especially to girls. He was shy, he had a butt-cut, and he was generally odd. Well, Weird Jeff grew up and found his voice. You can find him on the Internet now, but he doesn’t go by Jeff on there. He goes by AssBlaster69, and he’s a shameless pervert.

Using a computer screen and a keyboard as means of aggressive seduction–and, of course, using the pseudonym AssBlaster69 as a veil of anonymity–Jeff talks a lot now. And he talks to girls a lot. Well, he talks at them, but at least he’s no longer shy about it. Good for Weird Jeff for coming out of his shell, even if coming out of his shell meant showing the online world that he’s a filterless sicko.

Amazingly, it doesn’t stop on Twitter and Instagram. You sometimes see these creeps perv out on Facebook, too–you know, the social media website that displays your birth name. Oh, you’re gonna tell that girl you want her to sit on your face? Really? You do know that we can all see your comment, right? And that other one about wanting to eat a mile of Kate Upton’s shit “just to see where it come from”–what the hell, man? Facebook isn’t anonymous, you perverted idiot. Isn’t your mom on Facebook? She is? Well, she just saw you comment on a Rosie Jones fan page post about how badly you want to “toss her taters around.”

I guess it’s not only the anonymous outlets that have caused this perverted phenomenon. It’s really just the Internet as a whole that has turned us into assholes.

Let’s look at a few shameless Internet perverts from Instagram:

Paulina Gretzky Lounging By The Pool

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The implication here is that cmorrin22 would appreciate Ms. Gretzky sitting on his face in a sexual manner. “Sitting on face” is a euphemism for oral copulation. The dude wants her vagina on his face, and he doesn’t care who knows about it.

Kate And Chrissy Celebrate The SI Swimsuit Magazine In Miami

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dahoochiemama is expressing his (her?) desire–very publicly, mind you–to have the breasts of both Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen in and around his mouth. It would please him to suck on them, sexually speaking. He uses the term “utters” in lieu of breasts, because he’s being cheeky.

Lindsey Duke And Friends At The Beach

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Desperation is a stinky cologne, and these three idiots smell like shit. Three guys in a row propositioned Ms. Duke for her contact information. Has this method of hitting on a famous person ever worked in the history of social media? You’ve got to love the Instagram do-gooder helplessly attempting to keep the pervs in check, a feat unworthy of anyone’s time or energy. The pervs can’t stop, won’t stop. A tag-team trio of taylor_osmon’s mother, girlfriend, and Jesus Christ couldn’t shake the online perv out of him.

Half-Naked Ashley Sky

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Maybe, just maybe, if the very famous Ashley Sky sees exactly how hot sw4gg3dOutb055 thinks she is, she’ll give in and give him the sex, both standard and oral, that he wants. Then we have basic_jessie123 following up with the social media version of the most gentlemanly way possible to ask a girl if he can see her bare tits. Instagram gentleman, still a pervert.

Jen Selter Checks Her Phone

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Poor Jen Selter. It’s like a bunch of starving hyenas on a fresh carcass.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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