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Some Clinically Insane Person Called Our Hotline Number To Describe His Poop In Intense Detail

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When we originally posted about our new Hotline (800-392-6344), y’all seemed to think that, given some of our readers’… let’s just say “terrible personalities,” it wasn’t such a great idea. I try to find the good in everyone, though, which can be hard sometimes given the fact that I’m forced to talk to Steve Holt on Gchat all day as he writes remotely from the couch he lives on in Chicago.

Even though y’all reacted with such comments as “this won’t end well” and “y’all done fucked up now,” we maintained faith in our fans, so we kept the Hotline up. Maybe one of you would send us a hot news tip, or give us some inside info regarding a scandal happening on your campus.

Or describe the dump you just took in detail so graphic that I can’t get the image out of my head.

The width of a deodorant stick and the length of a Dasani water bottle? By this guy’s measurements, he passed a log that was approximately 2.5 inches wide by 8 inches tall. While the eight-inch length is nothing spectacular (who hasn’t fired out at least a footlong before?), it becomes pretty astounding when paired with the width. Using the formula for the volume of a cylinder, this guy claims he took a shit coming in at around 39.285 cubic inches. That’s a manly behemoth any of us would be proud to call our own.

Thanks for the call, valued reader. To make our hotline bling, simply call 800-392-6344 and leave a message for us.

We’re waiting.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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