Some Prudes Want To Build A Sex Theme Park That Doesn’t Allow Sex

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Some puritans down in Brazil want to build an adult-only sex theme park, design all the rides to look like genitalia, serve up aphrodisiacs at the snack bars, but not allow the actual act of penetration to happen on its grounds.

From The New York Times:

As for the racy theme, the investors behind ErotikaLand say the park will promote a healthy approach to sex. Parkgoers will be able to tour a museum exploring the history of sexuality, and employees will promote condom use. The park will have a “sex playground,” but it will feature a labyrinth, Ferris wheel and water slide.

What the customers cannot have, the investors say, is any actual intercourse — at least, not in the park.

“We cannot be known as the capital of sex,” Matheus Erler, a member of the Christian Socialist Party who leads the Piracicaba City Council, told reporters. He said he was worried that the park would attract “debauched individuals.”

This just sounds like every basic bitch’s bachelorette party on steroids.

“Aren’t we so risqué wearing our penis tiaras and drinking out of our penis straws?”

Yeah, girls. You’re downright sexual deviants. Now do any of you want to go into the bathroom to slip on this choke leash and ball gag as I dunk your head into the toilet and hate fuck you in the handicapped stall? No takers? You’d rather me buy you shots all night and have a bridesmaid dry hump me for a half hour afterwards until we both just pass out? Cool, me too. Oh, this? I just dropped my dog off at the vet.

Since when have Brazilians ever been worried about being too sexual? This is a country whose “Miss Bum Bum” competition takes precedent over actual political races. “Carnivale” is just one giant orgy of acrobatic fucking in the filthy Zika-filled streets. Don’t get all high and mighty on us now because you have the Olympics, Brazil.

No one wants to ride your vagina ferris wheel or dick water slide. Add in some swings, balconies, beds, and couches, hire a few jizz moppers, adopt an “anything goes” philosophy, and roll around in all the money you’ll be raking in. You’re welcome, ErotikaLand.

[via The New York Times]

Image via Shutterstock

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media.

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