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Someone Has Been Diagnosed With Ebola In Texas And It’s Probably Time To Panic

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A patient in Dallas, Texas, is the first person ever in the United States to be diagnosed with the Ebola virus.

For those of you who are uninformed idiots, Ebola is basically a death sentence. According to the Center for Disease Control, Ebola causes viral hemorrhagic fever, which can affect multiple organ systems in the body and is often accompanied by bleeding. Early symptoms include sudden onset of fever, weakness, muscle pain, headaches, and a sore throat, each of which can be easily mistaken early on for other ailments, such as malaria, typhoid fever, meningitis, or even the plague. After that, you die.

The survival rate is on par with an American League pitcher’s batting average. The disease can take up to three weeks to reveal itself, and it is contagious if you come into contact with someone who’s been affected. So, it’s good to stay away from large crowds if the cases start to multiply.


The Ebola scare started this summer, when missionaries from North Carolina and Texas were diagnosed with the disease and flown back to the United States for treatment. This new patient was also doing mission work, then got on a plane full of people and flew back to the United States, carrying the deadly virus.

I hate to be that guy, but can we temper down the mission work in these African countries for a bit? Maybe, just maybe, instead we could go rebuild some homes in West Virginia or do something nice for Florida…? God only knows what terrible things we could fix in Florida. Then, after this all subsides, we can go back to Africa. Please?

It may not matter. I am resigned to my fate. We’re doomed.

[via CNN]

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