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Someone Tried To Blow Up The Kappa Sigma House At UC Davis

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Mornings in a fraternity house can often be characterized by their smell. The nauseating mix of stale beer, tobacco, and regret is enough to send any hungover soul rushing face first into a bathroom stall. But UC Davis’ Kappa Sigma found a new scent in their hungover daze this weekend. It was the smell of terror (which happens to smell a lot like natural gas).

Last night, while the brothers of Kappa Sigma slept in their hopefully occupied beds, an unknown assailant turned on their stove and allowed the house to fill up with the flammable death odor. The suspect then apparently attempted to start a fire in the bathroom. Luckily the arsonist failed and the house was safe, though they have surely since implemented a 24/7 pledge security program.

Who would attempt such a potentially devastating act? Fraternity pranks are one thing, but this could have been an enormous tragedy for not only the university, but the country as a whole. I’m no detective, but I’ve made a list of potential suspects so we can hopefully track this coward down.

1) A Rival House
We’ll start off with what I think is the least likely scenario. While fraternity rivalries can get pretty heated, I don’t think any sane member of a fraternity would actually put the lives of an entire house at risk. Sure a bone or two might be broken here and there, and a metric ton of broken glass will be exchanged between courtyards, but I don’t think anyone is about to resort to murder.

2) A Psychotic GDI
As we’ve seen time and time again, some independents out there really have a problem with the fraternity system. While they usually resort to feminist blogs and megaphones on the quad, a particularly insane GDI could have taken his hatred to the next level. There are some deranged people out there, and if this was, in fact, an attack on Greek Life, let’s hope they catch the little shithead before another house can be targeted.

3) Nobody
Hear me out on this one. Maybe, just maybe, there isn’t an insane anti-frat bomber out there who tried to blow these guys up. Maybe this was nothing but a drunken misunderstanding. Think about it: Timmy “The Silo” Richardson fires up some bagel bites in the oven at 3:30 AM and forgets to turn the appliance off. A few hours later Johnny SmokesALot tries to light up a blunt in the bathroom and fails miserably. I’m just saying, this could be a coincidence and not a terrorist plot.

Who knows what really happened here, but let’s all hope that the police figure it out as soon as possible. Living in a fraternity house is hard enough as it is without the threat of an explosion. All joking aside, let’s be thankful that no one was hurt.

[via CBS Sacramento]


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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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