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Squids Mate for 3 Hours, Inspiration to Men Everywhere

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You might think that your skills in the sack are impressive, but you’ve obviously never fucked a squid before. An experiment conducted at the University of Melbourne in Australia has revealed that the southern dumpling squid mates for up to 3 hours.Talk about lasting ability. However, the experiment also highlights the costly risk of knockin’ boots for such an extended period of time.

…less energy for foraging, avoiding predators, growing and finding future sex partners, she said. Ongoing experiments suggest that this high-intensity mating may even be part of the reason that dumpling squid have such short life spans, though those results are preliminary, Franklin said.

Can you imagine getting so much ass that it actually shortens your life expectancy? Now that’s a noble way to go out. The squids don’t just go by-the-textbook with their sexual rituals either:

During these trysts, the male clings to the female, grasping her and blowing water into her mantle, the bulbous part of her body behind the head.

Where the fuck is my rope? Tell me this doesn’t sound like the naughty nautical version of 50 Shades of Grey.

The southern dumpling squid is a visionary and a role model. Living usually only about a year, it spends its relatively short time enjoying the good things in life: slamming, eating, and looking for future slam partners. It also demonstrates that carnal sessions makes you fucking exhausted, proof that men are not to blame for just rolling over and falling asleep immediately after. Not only that, but after the male is done pounding his slampiece with his squid dick, the squids literally have no energy to even scavenge for food, a sign that all of you wonderful ladies should have a post-shack sandwich waiting. It’s all in the name of survival for fuck’s sake.

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