Throwing on my 5-inch inseams, oxford button-downs, and two-eyed boat shoes has become increasingly difficult with each passing day due to the current social climate. Once I leave the safe haven that is the fraternity house, all bets are off, and I have to fend for myself against the crushing majority that does not approve of my lifestyle.
They see my neon, inappropriately pun-laden tank top, backward golf hat from a PGA tournament I didn’t attend, and plastic sunglasses from a sorority’s philanthropic 5k superhero run, and think of me as a privileged monster with zero self-control or willpower, and the individuality of a Kool-Aid drinking cult member.
It’s a real struggle, guys. The sheer sight of me wearing pastel repulses the general public. Parents turn their children away, senior citizens shake their heads in disgust, and hard working women just looking to get a fair shake in this world actively approach me and spit directly in my face before chastising me for things I’ve never done.
The cyber-bullying is infinitely worse.
It’s time we take a stand. We need to put an end to the discrimination. We need to stop frat shaming. #FratstarsArePeopleToo
Apparently, the general consensus is that all fraternity gentlemen are lazy, misogynistic, homoerotic, entitled, racists that have had silver spoons shoved up their asses since they were crawling around the halls of their private country club villas as babies.
First off, that’s quite the rash generalization. Not only did I not grow up in a gated golf course community, I wasn’t even part of a private club. That’s right; I played public municipal links my entire life. I’m not proud of it, but that’s all my family could afford. #HumbleBeginnings
Half of the top 10 Fortune 500 companies are led by fraternity and sorority men and women, according to the latest study I could find which was from 2012-2013. It’s probably the same now, and like the NFL, “probably” is good enough for me. So do you think those individuals got to where they are by being lazy? Exactly. It had nothing to do with shaking the right hands and knowing the right people. #RiseAndGrind
Misogynistic? Are you familiar with the pledge process? It’s just the best thing that ever happened for feminism. We have institutionalized the teaching of historically female tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and fetching, to young men, who will no doubt carry these skills into their later lives. #YesAllPledges
Did some borderline sexually confusing incidents take place during pledging? Now is really not the right time for me to answer that question. And just because you were forced into an elephant walk, that one instance doesn’t make you gay. That’s like calling Kim Kardashian a porn star. Sure, she made that awful tape with Ray J, but that one incident doesn’t define who she is as a truly terrible human being. Alright, so maybe that wasn’t the best individual to use in an analogy, but you get my point. #WhatWasThatPointAgain
Finally, the biggest hurdle fraternities have to overcome: the race issue. Have scumbags in Greek letters participated in generally deplorable acts? No doubt. But the bulk of our organizations are more than happy to celebrate other cultures. That’s why we throw parties on days like Cinco de Mayo wearing sombreros and ridiculously fake mustaches, and we make gun sounds as we fire fake pistols we purchased at the dollar store earlier in the day. Not as an insult to your people, but as a show of appreciation. #DiversityAtWork
We’re easy targets, I get it, but it’s time to stop immediately casting stones at us simply because we’re in fraternities. We should be able to live our lives like every other American citizen without suffering in constant fear of persecution. Don’t judge us by the length of our shorts, but by the content of our characters..