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When The RA Wants IN

Close-up of hand knocking on the door

At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity:

Owen-

Alright, so this story is (literally) a shit show from start to end. Anyway, it was the beginning of freshman year, 2020 in the midst of the fucking covid pandemic. It was labor day weekend, so my roommate and I along with some friends from around my dorm came to my room and we all started drinking and playing pong, so a relatively normal night, nothing over the top. There were probably ten people in my room including me at the time. At some point not too long into the night, I leave the room to go simp for a girl who I know is in one of the other rooms on my floor. After probably about an hour I get a frantic text from my roommate that RAs had knocked on our door and wrote everybody up, but he hadn’t been in the room either because he was helping his girlfriend throw up. Apparently, the kid with mild autism who lived next door to us came over to the party. I should note here that at this point early in the semester we would let him come over to our room because we felt bad and didn’t want to be dickheads, plus we thought he was harmless. Anyway, when the RA knocked, he opened the door and unknowingly invited them in. However, when the RAs announced who they were, the kid proceeded to curse them out and refused to show them his school-issued ID. This only escalated the situation and encouraged the RAs to write us up even more. 

By the time I came back to the room, everyone was gone. So, naturally, I drank the remainder of everybody’s drinks shoved under beds and in my closet and headed back out for round two. I went over to one of the other dorms, snuck in, then proceeded to black out there and somehow walk myself back to my dorm at some odd hour of the night. I have zero recollection of this walk (I do have a great Snapchat video of me walking or at least trying to). The next morning I woke up to my roommate telling me that someone took a shit in the hallway across from our door. The next part of this story I have never told to anyone, so god forbid any of my friends or my girlfriend happen to stumble across this story. I went to the bathroom and discovered skid marks on my underwear. Apparently, when I got back I managed to drop my pants and drop a shit in the middle of the hallway. Lucky for me, the autistic boy next door claimed the shit to be his own and told the entire building. By some miracle, when our school’s community standards committee met with us about the violation, they never checked the cameras which would have likely seen me dropping a fat deuce in the middle of the hallway. The cherry on top to all of this: community standards kicked us out of the dorms for the remainder of the semester for the party because it violated covid rules. They did this even after I made it clear to them that I was not in the room. Total bullshit, but I guess in some way I may have deserved it.

When it comes to dorm parties, RAs are either your best friends or your worst enemies…

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