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“Suspicious” White Substance Found At UCF Theta Chi, Hazmat Team Sent In To Investigate

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Huge scare at the University of Central Florida this morning. Orange County Fire Rescue and the UCF Police Department spent several hours investigating a “suspicious white powder” found at the Theta Chi house, even going so far as to send in a hazmat team.

So what was it? Anthrax? Wait, is that still a thing? It’s been a while, Anthrax. How about some type of explosive that could melt the dick off anyone within a twenty mile radius? If we’re being honest, no one cares about, let alone hates, my school enough to go scorched earth like that. I’m playing it safe, and putting my money on it being some pure Colombian booger sugar.

From Knight News:

The first test of the substance came back as protein powder, UCFPD spokesperson Courtney Gilmartin said.

A second test was also conducted for caution, which “confirmed that the substance is non-hazardous protein powder,” Gilmartin said.

I would love to have seen how this not one, but two, testing processes went down. Does half of the substance dissolve in water and the other half form into giant fuck clumps? It does. Try it one more time for me. Keep stirring. Still clumps? Yes? Open and shut case, Johnson.

This incident comes off the heels of a controversial new policy banning guys from wearing cut off tees and aggressive tanks to the gym. Fellow meathead Knights, I’m not saying you should go into hiding — Anne Frank style — just yet, but I would keep my head on a swivel. There’s some seriously shady anti-gym bro rhetoric going on around Gemini Boulevard.

[via Knight News]

Image via Knight News Twitter

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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