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Texas Man Impersonates FDA, CIA Agents To Get Free Cigarettes From Convenience Store

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From standing out in the freezing cold to asking random strangers passing by, some people will go to great lengths to satisfy their craving for a cigarette. One man in San Antonio, Texas allegedly went as far as to impersonate a public servant in order to get his fix.

Chad Fisher, 30, is accused of entering a Corner Store in Hollywood Park on Nov. 4, telling the clerk he was with the FDA and that he needed to check the cigarettes for counterfeit and fraud. It turns out, Fisher had as much authority as someone who wears a douchey Female Body Inspector t-shirt.

From KSAT:

The affidavit stated that after the clerk handed him several packs of cigarettes, Fisher went to an outside table and smoked them.

He returned several hours later and asked for a carton of cigarettes from the same clerk, but instead grabbed several more packs from the clerk’s hand and left the store, the affidavit stated.

When the clerk asked him for ID, Fisher then told him he worked for the CIA, the affidavit stated.

Not sure why the CIA would be involved in petty cigarette theft, but why not?

It was a bold move to “inspect” them at a table directly outside of the store. But to come back to the same store, same day, with the same clerk working and try and pull the same scheme? That’s just not smart. Diversify your portfolio, man.

Fisher’s bender didn’t end there though. Yeah, supposedly snatching a few cigs isn’t enough to get the cops called on you. It’s when you’re lifting beer that store clerks actually get mad.

The clerk called Hollywood Park police about an hour later, after Fisher allegedly took a can of beer without paying and walked out of the store with it hidden under his clothing, the affidavit stated.

Yep. We found the line and it’s been crossed. You put that innocent Bud Light tallboy down and get your damn hands on the wall, sir.

Fisher was arrested on Saturday. I hope he knows that impersonating a jail guard isn’t a good idea.

Meh…he’ll figure it out.

[via KSAT]

Image via Shutterstock

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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