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TFM Is Looking For The Best Writers In The Game, Apply Today

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I’m not sure what it says about my performance thus far that Dorn is having me do a callout for new TFM writers when I only just started on Monday, but it can’t be good. For me, that is. This could be a great opportunity for you — if, of course, you have what it takes.

I’m just gonna get straight to the point: We are looking for the funniest writers from around the country to join Total Frat Move’s remote writing team. Do you have ambition? Do people care about what you have to say? Do you have the capacity to make people laugh with your written word? Well, then you’re already more qualified than I am, and you need to get in on this. You’ll make some cold, hard cash in the process, too.

Being a member of the remote writing team consists of contributing columns and news pieces to the site on a semi-regular basis. If we still like your stuff after a short trial period, you’ll start making that moolah. Casholini. Dinero.

You’ve got to be good, though. And I mean real good. You have no idea how many columns we get each week that are just awful. Because of this, we open your applications assuming you are a terrible writer. Sorry ‘bout it. Prove us wrong. We only publish the best of the best on this site. And also my shit.

You’re gonna have to work to earn our trust. If you aren’t funny, have a shitty grasp of the English language, don’t understand the voice of the site, or are a fan of plagiarism, don’t waste our precious time. I have a lot of Golden Tee to play during the workday, and I don’t wanna waste time reading your shitty column when I make the turn.

Why this is such a great opportunity for you:

1. The Grandex network attracts millions of monthly visitors. If you want to get your work out there, this is your chance.

2. It’s the most fun way there is to earn drinking money.

3. If you’re an aspiring journalist, it’s a great way to get your foot in the door. I started off here as a remote writer during my sophomore year of college. Now I get to stare at Dorn’s model-quality hair all day, every day at my shiny, new full-time job. Becoming a remote writer for TFM was the best decision I ever made.

Here’s how the process works:

1. Write an original column, not news piece, with a word count of 550-800 words. If it’s a single word under 550, we aren’t going to bother reading it, and we might even publicly shame you. Your column should be funny, relatable, on-brand, and, most importantly, your own work. This is your chance to show us how funny you are. Seize the opportunity.

2. Create an account on the site.

3. Submit the column to the site by clicking “Submit” on the top menu bar, and then “Column” on the left menu bar. Then submit.

4. Include your email address in the title, in parentheses, so we can contact you.

Let’s see what you’ve got. Good luck.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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