TFM
I like to jerk off. You like to jerk off. Do we need more of an intro than that?
10. Celebrity
Look, this is never going to give you the 4K shit you typically get from some of the adult film all-stars that you typically enjoy, but it does crack the top ten. How else are you supposed to see your favorite celebrities fulfilling their need for excitement by filming their sexual experiments than by heading over to the Celebrity category?
9. Amateur
All in all, we’re looking at a pretty similar category in terms of production quality as Celebrity when we take a look at amateur, but the reason it jumps one higher on the list is the actual quality of the coitus. Sure, they’re still amateurs, but man do these men and women put their all into it. It’s like watching college basketball in my opinion. You’re trying to find tomorrow’s stars.
8. School
Don’t act like you never had a teacher you wanted to absolutely rail. I have to say. Some of the videos in here are pure brilliance, but the reason this doesn’t rank higher on my list is that there can be some fucking weird shit that gets put on there. I’m really only interested in the hot teacher getting it on with young male student, so when I see a gang bang of fourteen gym teachers on one cheerleader pop up in that category it throws me for a loop. You have to play it safe with this one.
7. Compilation
This one can be a little dangerous too, but for me this is the indecisive porn category. When you don’t really know what you want to watch, you end up watching a compilation so that you can get a little taste of everything. The only problem? All the story gets skipped, and I need a good story behind the sex most of the time, which is why it’s up here at number 7.
6. Threesome
Before you question why threesome is all the way up at six, let me just stop and remind you that two dudes on one chick is still a threesome – the devil’s threesome, but a threesome, nonetheless. For the most part you’ll find the good kind, but when searching you will have to navigate several DP videos. If that’s your bag, then good for you. But I think most of us would like to avoid the number of dicks we’re seeing in porn.
5. Big Ass
Look, in these top 5, you can’t really go wrong. Big ass is definitely the worst of the bunch, though, and that’s because every single porn star has a good ass. Sure, some are better, but c’mon there’s none of them out there that just have a piece of cardboard for a rumpus.
4. Babe
You may roll the dice a little bit here in terms of how voluptuous the fine young lady you’ll be watching getting her brains screwed out will be, but her face will be absolutely brilliant. Like really freaking hot. Worth the lack of thicc booty if you ask me.
3. Lesbian
Two chicks getting in on. How can you argue with that?
2. Big Tits
Where all female porn stars have great asses, not all have the best melons, and that’s a fact. That’s why if you’re looking for some real bouncy titties, you’re going to have to dive into this category. It never fails to disappoint, but there is a singular category that reigns supremem over it. And I think you all know what’s coming.
1. MILF
Who in their right mind is arguing with this? Brandi Love, Kendra Lust, Nicole Aniston, Julia Ann, Alexis Fawx, Brooklyn Chase, Nikki Benz, Romi Rain, Peta Jensen – you know what, I’ll stop there. I mean, you just can’t beat the talent that has come from these ladies’ experience in the game. I think you can make arguments for all the other ones being in different spots on the list, but not this one. MILF porn is #1 always.
