What Your Fraternity Says About You: Sig Ep

Look, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but somebody has to tell Sig Ep something: not all of you will end up being successful DJs. The world can only use so many DJs. I know the thought of JK Rowling face with Barack Obama’s daughter and Louis The Child is enticing, but the world needs some of you to be architects and accountants. That aside, Sig Ep is a good group of guys. Every Sig Ep looks like they could be the third contestant out on a reality dating TV show, girls love them, and they do a pretty good job with philanthropic endeavors beyond the small Colombian villages that they finance with their yeyo transactions. Sig Eps always have the funniest Asian kid you’ll meet in your life, and the organization does a great job instilling confidence in young men. Every Sig Ep I know is a lot like JR Smith. It doesn’t matter that they miss a few shots here and there; sometimes you’ll see them euro step their way out of the bar with a girl that makes you say, holy shit, I didn’t even know that was possible. 

When I think of Sig Ep, I think of a guy who looks like the bully football character on an Oxygen TV show, he’s dating a girl named Margo but she spells it Margot (she’s got 3200 followers on Instagram), and making the finishing touches on his Kobe themed dye table. Do Sig Eps have the amount of loyalty to one another as SAE or Kappa Sig? No. Do you ever hear a campus rumor that they are weird with girls? Also no. Sig Ep is where boys become men, and girls catch something that makes it burn a little when they pee. If you get a bid to Sig Ep, expect to learn a lot about Eastern European DJ culture, meet the best men at your wedding, and spend four years having a zyn in your mouth more frequently than you don’t.

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