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With Shark Week more of a joke now compared to its former glory than ever before, it’s time to celebrate the remaining of at least SOME educational content in the face of bad content by submitting ourselves to some so-bad-it’s-good shark content. Instead of feeling bad about falling for the mindless hype that was Phelps vs. Shark, let’s take a moment to let our brains completely shut off and enjoy some totally mind numbing sharktertainment. We all aware of the crappy made for (TV? A quick cash grab? Shits and gigs?) movies loosely based on sharks. Well, it’s my opinion that you could do worse than to give a couple of them a look, get drunk, and yell at the screen with the boys. Here are ten of the best-worst shark movies.
The MegaShark Series – Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009), Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus (2010), Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark (2014), Mega Shark Versus Kolossus (2015)
Now I’m not going to say that I’ve even seen ALL the movies I’m going to be talking about, because I haven’t. Hell, I’m not going to claim I’ve seen ANY of these movies all the way through (I haven’t) but I think it’s pretty safe to say that we pretty much know what we’re getting into with any of these. Enter Megashark. It’s a big ass shark and it wants to tear shit up against other mega-things. It’s neither rocket science to see what you’re in for, nor is any kind of real science involved but it is pretty much what you’re expecting and that’s a good feeling in schlock type horror movies such as these.
Sharktopus Series – Sharktopus (2010), Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014), Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015), Sharktopus vs. Mermantula (2016)
I don’t know about you but at least a couple times I have wished I had an extra appendage or two. Just imagine how much more you could get done at a time. Imagine all the babes lining up for some bump and grind out of sheer curiosity. Imagine all the implications of having the flexibility and versatility or a ‘pus (as I like to call them) with the raw power and intimidating physical presence of a shark. Now forget all of that and get rid of any other creativity imaginable and add some head-tiltingly bad dialogue and you’re set for a series makes so little sense that it actually does make sense.
It’s a bunch of sharks that can swim in the sand and has Hulk Hogan’s daughter starring in it. Need I say more? Yes? They fight a tank that walks on legs. Go check it out.
Genetically engineered lap dog sharks that the rich and pretentious own just to have one more way to flex. What could go wrong? It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out but we are here to turn off our brains so don’t even use your imagination and just enjoy this movie. Funny enough it has the highest critical rating out of all of these. So does that mean it’s going to be less enjoyable because it’s NOT as bad so it won’t be as good? Hell if I know, but you gotta risk big to win big.
Anything else I should’ve included on this list? What are your favorite (shark or otherwise) so-bad-they’re-good movies? If you still need more sharky goodness (and why wouldn’t you?) why not check out my previous work? If you do, don’t forget my self directed interview is not under my profile since it was a Commenter of the Week and technically not by me. Like a fine wine, all my pieces are just as good now as they ever were and indeed are better after a second time around..