Don’t get me wrong, guys. I love sororities with all my heart. I love their uniquely identical personalities. I love their uncanny ability to drink as much free booze as I’m capable of providing. I even love the stupid songs they endlessly repeat that sound like they came from a 1950s cheerleading squad.
There’s just one thing I truly can’t stand about sororities: sorority gang signs. No matter what house a sorority girl is in, chances are, 75 percent of her Facebook pictures involve a herd of blondes throwing what they proverbially know. It’s gotten to the point where every famous landmark on the planet has been tainted by skinny, white girls making strange gestures to the heavens. As if Europeans needed another reason to hate us.
Luke Bryan hasn’t been able to leave his house for years out of unrelenting fear that a gaggle of basic bitches will swarm him and beg him to cross his fingers in a certain way for a picture that will inevitably be ruined by a Mayfair filter.
I truly despise all sorority hand signs, but not all were created equal. These 10 signs are by far the worst that plague our social media feeds.
10. Delta Delta Delta
When done perfectly, a Delta Delta Delta sign can be a beautiful thing. The ladies above make a good case, but it’s the legendary “Dirty Delta” that earned the number 10 spot on the list. When your sorority sign is just a single inch away from forming a gaping vagina, mistakes are going to happen. That’s why (I’m told) that every Tri-Delt Bid Day involves a 30-minute seminar on the dangers of the “Dirty Delta.”
9. Alpha Omicron Pi
Oh, how creative. It’s a fucking heart. “But SFPL,” you might say. “There’s an Alpha at the top!” I’m not impressed, AOPi. You took the world’s most generic EDM concert sign and added a small triangle at the crest. 0/10 for originality, 0/10 for everything else.
8. Pi Beta Phi
Awww, get it? They’re angels! Try to keep the halos and wings in mind the next time you’re blowing a dude in the bathroom while dressed like a Playboy bunny at your next social. It’s not that this hand sign is bad…it’s just not accurate for any Pi Beta Phi chapter in the country.
7. Alpha Phi
Even that fantastic, American ass can’t hide the fact that Alpha Phi’s sign is nothing more than throwing an awkward turtle in the air for all the world to see. This sign is the equivalent of wearing a shirt around campus that says, “Sorry guys, I’m socially inept.”
6. Chi Omega
I think Adam DeVine’s face says it all for this one. Having the visible representation of your sorority resemble a “You will never get this!” gesture speaks volumes about Chi Omega. Maybe all this sign really means is “Please don’t ever lock me in that coffin again.”
5. Zeta Tau Alpha
Only the best get crowned? Newsflash, Zeta Tau Alpha: twisting your hands into a crown shape doesn’t make you any more regal than it does when I slap a Burger King crown on my head and order kids to get off the fucking slide because it’s my turn.
4. Phi Mu
Shit looks like a pretzel. Here’s how every single celebrity “throw what you know” picture with a Phi Mu goes:
Sorority Girl Desperate For Attention: “No, no, no! You put your hands like THIS!”
Irritated Famous Person: “What the fuck is this shit? I don’t know what you’re saying, I give up.”
3. Kappa Kappa Gamma
Forgive me for taking a phrase out of the Basic Sorority Girls 101 playbook, but I can’t even. It kind of looks like a couple Ks I guess? It looks like Usher’s “peace up, A-town down” hand motion is having sex with itself.
2. Kappa Alpha Theta
Delta Delta Delta’s hand sign looks like a vagina when done incorrectly. Kappa Alpha Theta’s looks like a vagina on purpose. You do the math.
1. Delta Gamma
Thank God for FSU DG, because for the longest time, I was convinced that it was physically impossible to look good while throwing up the Delta Gamma salute. I feel sorry for every DG in the country with a deformity on the left side of her face..