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Everybody knows taking shots is a terrible (but awesome) idea, but there are some shots that are worse than others. Here’s a list of the worst ones, and why they will make you feel worse than an Afghani bomb shelter after a rain of Hellfire missiles.
Lord help you if someone passes you a shot of Rumplemintz. If you’ve ever wanted to know what blowing Santa Claus would be like, this is the shot for you. Sure, putting Rumplemintz in hot chocolate or some other drink when it’s freezing outside is a good idea, but once you take it as a shot, game over. I’m sure the people who made this stuff didn’t expect functioning alcoholics to turn this into a shot at the bar, but hey, that’s their fault. It’s thick, syrupy (again, think blowing Santa Claus) makes that taste stay with you all night long, leading you take shots of something even worse, which leads to…
If you thought Rumplemintz was bad, you’ve never taken a shot of Fireball. Fireball is like the idiot cousin who decided to just start throwing other stuff into a Rumplemintz shot. I’m pretty sure that taking a shot of this opens up a pit in the floor that you’re on and will send you straight to hell. If you’re one of the lucky ones that even Satan thinks you’re twisted and avoid that fate, you will be greeted with a hangover that will make you cry literal fire out of your eyes. If you thought that was bad though, you have never taken a shot of…
If any of your friends ever hands you a shot of flavored vodka, you should get new friends. If that’s not an option, and you take the shot because you don’t turn down alcohol, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. I would rather tickle an elephant’s prostate than ever take a shot of any kind of flavored vodka. Regardless of what girls tell you, there are no shots of flavored vodka that taste good. The added flavors make it taste even worse than regular vodka (which I thought was impossible), and will make you feel like somebody dumped an entire truck of spoiled skittles in your math. But just be glad your friends didn’t give you…
Tequila. The Granddaddy of Them All (no, not the Rose Bowl, you Pac-12 and Big Ten morons). This is the shot that you always let you know know your night will end up in some ridiculous fashion. Personally, I like taking tequila shots before horse races so that I can channel my inner jockey and pretend like I know things when gambling on horses, but I’m sick and twisted like that. Whether it’s the combination of tequila and whatever else other people start giving you, or if you’re just taking tequila shots alone, the next morning will be hell as your head feels like it got run over by a train and you have a quality run-in with Montezuma’s revenge.
So, next time you decide to go out to the bar, you’re probably going to take at least one of these shots, but just know that the next day you’ll feel worse than you would have if you had gone to a Nickelback or Bieber concert.