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The Beer Of Champions: Wheaties Cereal Breaks Into The Craft Brew Game

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Would you drink a beer that tasted like Wheaties? Of course you would. You’d drink just about anything better than a lukewarm, half-empty can of Busch found on the floor with chewing gum stuck to the rim. Or maybe floor beers are totally your thing if the situation is dire enough. If that’s the case, you’re a sick fuck. Respect.

Now, there’s a new way to get gurked enough that drinking a half-empty can of beer you found on the floor while scavenging through a house party’s mess after your brothers cut you off sounds like a great idea. It’s called HefeWheaties, and it’s available for a limited time in Minnesota.

From CNBC:

Wheaties, the token breakfast of champions, has partnered with Fulton, a craft brewery in Minneapolis, to create a limited-edition Hefeweizen beer named HefeWheaties.

And why not? Wheaties is wheat cereal. Hefeweizen is wheat beer. It was only a matter of time, right?

General Mills noted in a press release that while the alcoholic beverage will not actually contain Wheaties cereal, it is still representative of the Wheaties brand.

HefeWheaties will be available for limited time beginning Aug. 26. Unfortunately, the brew will not be available for shipment or purchase outside of Minnesota.

“We’ll see how people react to it,” said Ryan Petz, president and co-founder of the Fulton brewery. “If it’s something everybody loves, we’ll obviously consider doing it again in a bigger and more widely distributed way in the future.”

I don’t drink beer that doesn’t taste like water, so when it comes to wheat beer, I can’t comment on the “nuttiness of the notes” or the “yeastiness of the edge,” or whatever the fuck beer snobs are talking about. I am merely the messenger for those of you with sophisticated beer palettes.

What I do know is the types of athletes used on the Wheaties cereal boxes can’t be the same on the cans of beer. Michael Phelps, Tiger Woods, Adrian Peterson — those guys won’t cut it. They need athletes who look like they can house some brews, like John Daly or CC Sabathia, or any defensive tackle.

Beer is beer is beer. But if you pass through Minnesota sometime in the next few months and find yourself in the mood for trying new things, find a girl and let her put a finger in your butt. Then, crack open a nice cold can of Wheaties. Cheers.

[via CNBC]

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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