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The College Football Playoff Tried Its Hardest To Stop Sucking, Almost Succeeded

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The general rule when planning any event is “don’t put it on the same day as a more important event.” That’s why my parents tried to abort me when the doctor told her my presumptive birthday was the same day as the half birthday of their dog Dewey’s mother. “We couldn’t do that to Dewey,” my mom said to my dad. He agreed, and subsequently bought two round trip tickets to Tijuana.

Well, in the biggest common sense move since the aforementioned abortion failed and my father stuffed me in his carry-on bag for the return trip to avoid any additional fees, the two semifinal College Football Playoff matchups will no longer be played on some New Year’s Eves.

From College Football Playoff:

IRVING, Texas – Bill Hancock, Executive Director of the College Football Playoff (CFP), today announced a shift in scheduling to the semifinal games in years 5, 6, 11 and 12 of the rotation.

With this adjustment, all semifinals games will be played on Saturdays or holidays.

“We had healthy discussions with a lot of people who love college football and we concluded that making these changes would be the right thing to do for our fans.” said Hancock.

“We tried to do something special with New Year’s Eve, even when it fell on a weekday. But after studying this to see if it worked, we think we can do better. These adjustments will allow more people to experience the games they enjoy so much. For these four years, our previous call is reversed.”

A blind replacement ref with ADD would’ve reversed that call. It was such an obviously horrible idea to have College Football Playoff semifinal matchups on New Year’s Eve that I can’t believe they thought it was a good idea to begin with. It’s pretty hard to fully enjoy watching a game of football when all of your would-be watch party buddies are spread out across 9 different NYE parties and you can’t hear the faint *thump thump thump* being picked up by Musburger’s mic as he talks about a 20-year-old co-ed because your aunt’s “crazy” single friend Karen is Champagne drunk and whirling a noisemaker around with the intensity with which she wishes someone would blast her.

The problem, though, is that the CFP isn’t taking semifinals games off of New Year’s Eves; just New Year’s Eves that fall on weekdays and non-holidays. News flash: it doesn’t matter what day of the week it falls on, New Year’s Eve is always effectively a Friday because New Year’s Day is a holiday. The CFP is your one friend who doesn’t go out on the Sunday of a three-day weekend. Aside from going to work on NYE, which some people will be forced to do, people’s 5 P.M.-midnight plays out the exact same as it would if they’d had the whole day off: drink champagne, try to kiss someone, fail, accept that this new year will be just as shitty as the last.

I assume it’s too late now to change this season’s semifinals date (which is, regrettably, New Year’s Eve (yay!)), but the CFP’s decision to leave the 2021-22 and 2022-23 semifinals on New Year’s Eve is so unimaginably stupid that it’s almost as if they’re trying to minimize their viewership. If they want to do that, they should just made it so every commercial is that stupid-ass Bon Jovi “turn back time” shit and not waste our celebrations of the new year.

Don’t just take semifinals games off of New Year’s Eves that fall on weekdays and non-holidays, you morons; take them off New Year’s Eves altogether.

[via College Football Playoff]

Image via YouTube

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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