Yesterday, I brought you the amazing story of the spring breakers who made some really shitty, but legit enough, Total Frat Move press passes which they wore around the beaches of what we have now learned to be Cancun, Mexico. In the three images we received, these guys appeared to be drowning in trim–just swinging their press pass lanyards around to fight them off and calling for backup on their faux walkie talkies. Now that more images have surfaced, we have learned that the swarm of sand dimes was worse than we could have ever imagined.
Here’s the full story from one of the press pass spring breakers, followed by photos from spring breaks 2013 and 2014:
This isn’t our first rodeo. Last year our fraternity, [redacted], went to PCB for spring break. The last day we were there, for some reason in my drunken stupor, I decided to buy sharpies and tag some tits. We decided to see if we could pull off being “TFM Reps.” We set off on the beach, armed with nothing but a handle of cheap vodka, some condoms, and 2 cans of Grizzly Wintergreen; it worked like a charm. Not one single person called us out on our bullshit and when the day was over we had a shit ton of pictures and we were kicking ourselves in the ass for not doing it the whole week. So we get back to school and decide to send in our portfolio to your TFM 2013 Spring Break Photo Contest.
We had approx. 6-8 pictures you guys accepted. (Some of which are attached). We even had a picture that had more votes than Johnny motherfucking Manziel with a bottle of tequila. This led to an all out shit show at our school. Our Greek adviser did not agree with TFM and said it was not a good representation of fraternities…. oh fucking well. I got sent to Judicial Board, but nothing happened except I was required to remove the pictures from the contest. Three of the sorority girls we went with got kicked out of their chapter for the pictures, once again…oh fucking well. This year, our adviser got a new job at a different school, leaving us with no adviser and the chance to step up our game.
The fake press passes were made in our hotel lobby, on a computer all in Spanish, in 15 minutes. You mentioned something about how we got them laminated at Kinkos, well we actually didn’t even laminate them. They were just printer paper in a plastic sleeve. We used fucking safety pins to pin them onto us, I mean really? We actually got a guy (PIKE) kicked out of our resort for showing us his fraternity tattoo on his ass because our resort had a very strict policy on public nudity. I guess we should have went to the beach. Poor guy only wanted his ass on TFM…oh fucking well. The biggest party in Cancun is obviously the Grand Oasis, and as you probably know, to enter the resort you need an Oasis bracelet…unless you have TFM press passes. We walked past the line, right between two security guys, flashed them our badges, and we were in free of charge. (A couple pictures from the Grand Oasis are also attached).
We told people the reason we were down in Mexico was because we won last year’s TFM 2013 Spring Break Photo Contest and as the grand prize TFM sent us to Cancun for free to take pictures for the contest this year. Not a single person questioned us or even asked to see last year’s winning picture. Drunken sorority girls are the most gullible people on Earth. If you were curious as to who was “Dorn,” we attached a picture of the whole “TFM team,” and the one on the far right was our “Roger Dorn” and “Eagle-one.”
-Eagle-One, NightHawk, Ducky, Goose-
Per request of the emailer, we have blurred all faces and fraternity letters.
In my original story, I mentioned the names on the passes and wondered if they used aliases, their real names, or hell, my name. I even offered to fly them out to Austin and buy them dinner if my name appeared on a press pass. Turns out the dude working the camera was “Roger Dorn.”
These guys really did it. I’m not even mad, just impressed. Now, I’m going to welch on my promise to bring them in and dine them, obviously. Let’s get back to fake Dorn, though. From the above email:
“If you were curious as to who was ‘Dorn,’ we attached a picture of the whole ‘TFM team,’ and the one on the far right was our ‘Roger Dorn’ and ‘Eagle-one.'”
Show your fucking face, fake Roger.