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The Hipsters and Foreigners Who Read Huff Post REALLY Hate George H.W. Bush, Are Also Functionally Retarded

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President George H.W. Bush was recently admitted to Houston’s Methodist Hospital to be treated for bronchitis. We here at TFM wish him all the best and a speedy recovery.

According to reports, Bush 41 has been suffering from persistent respiratory issues. Bush’s chief of staff has stated that the illness is not in any way life threatening, but Goddamn do a lot of people wish it was.

I came across this story via my Facebook newsfeed this morning. The Huffington Post, news source for the most poorly read liberals of the world, had put a link to it on their Facebook page. The comments were, well, they were pretty much your basic crazy Internet comments, full of spelling errors, wild conspiracy theories, Nazi references, and bickering. Really everything but links to work from home opportunities and porn.

Despite the fact that the comments were basically your run of the mill crazy, I’ll be damned if I wasn’t amused as hell by them. There were a couple recurring themes with the comments I’m going to highlight, all of which wished death upon poor H.W. Bush. Why? because…his last name? Because if you can’t freely wish death upon someone on the Internet then where can you? Regardless, these are several of the recurring themes on what is unofficially HuffPo’s “Fuck George H.W. Bush” thread.

Theme 1: Hate All Bush Family Members/Confused and Think He’s George W. Bush

This was by far the most common theme. People either hated the man because he’s the father of someone they really hate, or they’re morons and didn’t know the difference between W. and H.W.

I’m convinced that “Steam Punx Motorcycles” is the real life incarnation of a fictional cartoon character that exists inside the world of a Guy Ritchie film.

Twenty bucks says this guy is an atheist.

I like this guy’s logic. I wish you well sir, but I also hope you die in a fire.

Child molester is a new one. I KNEW we went into Panama to steal Latino children for him to molest, not to capture a dictator.

George H.W. Bush would like to thank the person who calls themselves “Weeda Peoples” for what was no doubt a hefty tax contribution to his medical bills, even though it never occurred.

This guy is tough, but fair. At least he thinks every president is a war criminal, including William Henry Harrison, especially William Henry Harrison. That was a horrific month for the world.

Theme 2: Angry Foreigners

I’m guessing neither of them are Kuwaiti.

Theme 3: Wild Conspiracy Theories

Yeah, Prescott Bush didn’t fund the Nazis, nor was he a Nazi sympathizer. He WAS however a huge civil rights activist in congress, helped to make birth control mainstream and available to all women, and was instrumental in the creation of Planned Parenthood. Of course that probably doesn’t fit into your hipster “fuck Republicans” agenda, because then you’d have to respect him.

Here’s my conspiracy theory: Your glasses aren’t prescription.

This is what I imagine the Secret Service storming into his home would be like (43 seconds in).

Theme 4: Karma

There were a ton of comments claiming that George H.W. Bush’s bronchitis was karma. So just to be clear, bronchitis is what a child molesting, president assassinating, war criminal earns as karma, according to them.

He’s fucking 88. 88-year-olds go to the hospital, it’s what they do. If this is karma then apparently my grandma was snapping the necks of infants for decades.

Get well soon President Bush. Both to spite these morons and because normal people respect you.

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