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The Morning Bump: World Domination

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Mornings are dog shit. Monday mornings especially. You’re tired and hungover, but you have to get out of bed and do stuff. So you could use a little motivation. A little pick-me-up. A little morning bump, if you will. Well here you go, friend. Put this metaphorical straw to your nose and snort.

Take What’s Yours

Nicky Santoro didn’t take shit from anybody. At least not until he was beaten to death with baseball bats at the end of the movie, but that’s neither here nor there. Dude took what he wanted when he wanted it. For a little guy of that stature to be able to strike fear into the heart of anyone is impressive. Take some inspiration from Nicky’s go-getter attitude, and earn your keep today.

Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong

Every man’s goal is to end up on a yacht surrounded by twerking models, smoking Cuban cigars, drinking fine champagne and strong liquor, and hanging with UGK (RIP Chad Butler). Every day is an opportunity to get a little closer to accomplishing that goal. What’re you gonna name your yacht? I’m naming mine “Fuck City.” Then I’m gonna walk up to everyone on board that’s not boning and say, “Check your lease, man, because you’re living in Fuck City.”

Get High Like Arnold

Being the best isn’t just about winning. It’s about humiliating the competition, mercilessly ripping your opponents, and rubbing your success into the eye sockets of everyone on this spinning blue planet. If at the end of the day you’re not kicked back on the couch, rocking a shirt that literally says you’re “numero uno,” and casually smoking a joint, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your life.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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