The New York Jets Blame Ghosts For Failed Drug Tests

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As a New York Giants fan, I take great amusement out of the dumpster fire of an organization that is the New York Jets. While our recent history includes two Super Bowls, their crowning achievement of the last decade was the human error known as Mark Sanchez and the butt fumble (which sounds like a great name for an NFL porno, but I’ll take that idea to Shark Tank).

The Jets haven’t been fun to watch since Joe Namath came out in that fur coat that a dozen or so animals had to sacrifice their lives for and tried to drunkenly pick up an ESPN reporter mid-interview. Even though the Giants absolutely blow donkey cock this year, 2-11 looked better on them than whatever the Jets miserable record is.

Just when I thought the Jets couldn’t reach a new low, they found a way to.

From The New York Post:

Jeremy Kerley vowed last month to investigate how he could have failed a test for performance-enhancing drugs that led to a four-game suspension…“I don’t know,” Kerley said. “There’s a lot of ghosts around here. Maybe a ghost put it in me. You know the Ghost of Christmas Past? A ghost might have put it in me. I don’t know.”

Wow, Kerley. Wway to blame it on the ghosts. Are there gonna be ghost hunters camping out in MetLife Stadium trying to talk to the dead now? The only thing that died there is the Jets’ playoff hopes for the past six years.

At the same time, I wanna give Kerley some credit and knock him for other things. Compare him to Josh Gordon. Josh Gordon was suspended for YEARS by the NFL for drugs (granted, different drugs), but after a while, he owned up to the claims. He even doubled down on the claims by blaming his Baylor coaches for helping him hide his drug habit.

On the other hand, Kerley blamed specifically “the ghost of Christmas past” for his drug test. I’ll give him some creativity points for having a seasonally relevant PED excuse to put reporters in the Christmas spirit. Still, I’m pretty sure slipping drugs in urine tests isn’t what the Ghost of Christmas past did, and if he did, I’ve been watching the wrong version of A Christmas Carol.

Sounds like the type of shit we got to get Scooby and the gang on.

[via New York Post]

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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