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The Official 2016 Frat Bracket is here.

Forget March Madness; it’s time for March Fratness. The most fraternal objects, concepts, and actions, all duking it out to see what will reign supreme as 2016’s most frat thing — 100% decided by all of you. We’ll be moving along with this bracket around the same pace as the NCAA tournament progresses, so follow along as we find out what stands alone as the current frattest thing in the world.

If you want to do some fracketology (frat bracketology) and see if you can perfectly predict how this year’s 2016 Frat Bracket will pan out, print out and fill out an empty bracket and follow along as the results come pouring in. Let’s get to our first region.

Note: Bracket regions are named after the four main frat regions in a purely ceremonial manner. The things listed under them do not necessarily have any specific relationship with that respective frat region.

#1 Natural Light vs. #16 Philanthropy

The fact that philanthropy even made it into the tournament seems like a miracle until you realize it’s only because it went up against IFC in the play-in round. As you all know, no #16 seed has ever beaten a #1 seed, and, while Natural Light does have its haters, you’ve gotta think Natty’s got this one in the bag. It is March, though, so you never know.

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#2 Golf vs. #15 Puking in an Uber

There is no denying that golf is the world’s frattest sport. I mean, just look at all the absurdly frat things you can do out on the course to assert your dominance. Golf breeds winners. Puking in an Uber is a pretty strong #15 seed, though. Definitely the strongest in the field (even though it’s not even the most frat thing you can do in an Uber). Can it pull the upset? You decide.

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#3 Embezzlement vs. #14 Going stag to formal

While generally reserved for high-power political or corporate figures, embezzlement still runs rampant in the fraternity system (the most recent high-profile example coming out of the University of South Carolina). Misappropriating wealth is undeniably frat, and that’s why it took the #3 seed. Everybody loves a feel-good story, though, and it doesn’t get much more feel-good than the story of the dude going alone to formal and still having a blast even after his ninth-choice date canceled on him after realizing the event landed on the same day as her first liposuction treatment. I’m on upset alert with this matchup.

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#4 Cocaine vs. #13 Slap the bag

There is no discussion — cocaine is the most frat drug there is. I’ve never partaken, but I hear it’s some pretty powerful stuff. So powerful, in fact, that it has the power to prevent suicide, apparently. Slap the bag is a party staple, though, and more people slap the bag than rail coke, so who knows how this matchup will end up?

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#5 Mopeds vs. #12 Public urination

Nothing says brotherhood like a good old-fashioned broped session. But completely disregarding the law simply because you want to pee RIGHT NOW even though you could easily hold it in for a few more minutes? That’s pretty frat as well, depending on where you’re taking that piss.

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#6 Not paying dues vs. #11 Intramural sports

The tale as old as time isn’t Beauty and the Beast — it’s fraternity members not paying their dues. It’s just part of our DNA. Then again, so are intramural sports. I predict this to be a contested battle.

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#7 “Wagon Wheel” vs. #10 Red cups

If this is 2012, “Wagon Wheel” is a hard #1 seed. But, ever since Darius Rucker came in and ruined the party, the fraternity theme song has lost a little of its mass appeal. Red cups, on the other hand, are a fraternity staple that have held steady throughout the years. How far has “Wagon Wheel” fallen? It’s time to find out.

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#8 Chick-fil-A vs. #9 Patagonia

Aside from Whataburger, no other chain restaurant even comes close to Chick-fil-A in terms of fratness. And no, it’s not because of the whole anti-gay thing, PC tards — it’s despite it. Shit’s just good eats (unless, of course, it’s a Chick-fil-A Express). But Patagonia? Those are some damn good wears. What’s more important to the average fraternity man, food or clothing? Your votes will determine that.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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