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The Only Fourth Of July Product Guide You Need

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Rule number one of celebrating the Fourth of July is you have to be wearing red, white, and blue. Rule two is you have to be consuming alcohol. Rule number three is to be in or next to a body of water, ranging in size from a swimming pool to an ocean. The last one is to be wearing or bringing enough American themed garb or accessories to be deemed the most patriotic asshole at the party.

The first three are on you. I got your back with number four, though. Here is the only Fourth of July product guide you need.

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The Patriot by MVMT

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MVMT has become the king dingaling of the high quality watches at a fair price market. There’s one sitting on my wrist as I type this (the Outback). The Patriot has a classic, large face with a red, white, and blue strap to let everyone you know you’re someone who takes his time piece seriously but also you’re here to bong five beers at once. And nothing says you take America’s birthday seriously like a motherfucking USA-colored watch.

To mix it up and dial down the patriotism for more formal occasions, swap out your strap.

Use promo code TFM15 for 15% off your order.

American Flag Swim Trunks by Rowdy Gentleman


Do a gainer off the diving board in these bad boys and watch the water level rise by two inches as the bikini clad babes watch from the shallow end.

Wham-O Slip N’ Slide Extreme XL Triple Racer

Your buddy shows up to the pool party with one of those shitty beer bongs he got at Walmart ready to down a few Michy Ultras, thinking he won the day. That is until you walk through the back door with a case of Natty over one shoulder and a fucking slip and slide over the other and set the tone for the day. No one is leaving this pool without using Garrett’s 99 cent beer funnel before sprinting and sliding on your Wham-O Extreme without regard for their personal safety.

Reveler by MVMT

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MVMT isn’t only a watch brand. Get behind a high quality pair of Reveler lenses for only 70 bucks and add some suave to your Fourth of July look. Psst, people of MVMT. These would go great with the Outback on my wrist. I’m not saying; I’m just saying. Let me know if you lost our shipping address.

Use promo code TFM15 for 15% off your order.

USA Streaking Rope Hat by Rowdy Gentleman


Retro America is always well received. This rope hat by RG is subtle enough to wear year-round, and patriotic enough to turn heads poolside.

Cruzin Cooler – Electric Scooter

Become the SLAB god of July 4th when you roll up to the lakeside deck in this motherfucker, tossing cold ones to your thirsty friends. It’s a cooler with four wheels and an electric motor. Maybe find a way to hook some speakers up to this hoe and get your friends cumming with excitement.

Stars N’ Stripes Hawaiian by Rowdy Gentleman


Sometimes it seems like Hawaii isn’t part of the United States because it’s so damn far from the continental U.S. But it’s all America, and so are Hawaiian shirts, especially ones with the stars and stripes on it. Be an American.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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