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Two days ago, Johnny Manziel got on a plane to Cabo reaking of weed. Yesterday, there appeared to be cocaine in his vicinity in Cabo. Now, in completely unrelated news, the NFL has suspended JFF 4 games for substance abuse.
Pretty impressive to get suspended while not even on a roster. If you ask me, this newest speed bump sets Johnny up perfectly to be signed by a struggling, in-need-of-a-quarterback team that’s willing to take a chance on him. He’ll come in after his suspension is up and take them from 0-4 to 12-4 before losing in the playoffs after Johnny bleeds out after severely deviating his septum in a locker room bathroom stall ahead of the conference championship game, inspiring a 30 for 30 for the ages. Are you reading this, Broncos?
I fully believe Johnny when he says he’s currently going sober. As somebody who habitually overtrusts less-than-reputable characters, I think this will be a bigger success story than that of my childhood friend Jimmy, who went from murdering the cats in our neighborhood and expressing zero empathy to being a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD. Everybody just wait and see.
I heard one of the reasons Johnny is going sober is that he couldn’t lock down any conflict-free cocaine.