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A few years ago, my fraternity and our dates took a trip to the Rocky Mountains for our winter formal. We had a nice lodge all to ourselves, complete with all the amenities one would expect from that type of place. Among these amenities were two hot tubs, which were nice to relax in as the outside temperature dipped below zero after sundown. On the second day of formal, I decided that the way I could make the most out of the experience was to follow around the heaviest drinker in our fraternity. We’ll call him Tyler. I followed Tyler around all day, drinking when he drank, smoking when he smoked, and terrorizing the others as he did. We were both three sheets in the wind by the early afternoon, when Tyler turned to me with a thousand-yard stare from his bloodshot eyes.
“Hot tub now. Hot tub, let’s go, drink there.”
The hot tub did sound great, so I followed him outside and got in. One of our brother’s dates, who we’ll call Sarah, was already in the water. In a pile of snow right next to the hot tub, we had a 30 rack, a fifth of Southern Comfort, a fifth of cheap whiskey, and a small soda bottle from the local marijuana dispensary. The three of us imbibed everything over the next four hours, and it got to the point where we were just muttering half-formed thoughts to each other. On several occasions, brothers and their dates would walk outside and throw snowballs at us from the balcony above, but we were past the point of caring enough to be angry at them.
As one snowball connected with Tyler’s face, he shook awake and muttered, “Fuck…you man, your god….damn snowball, come down here, pussycat, I’ll fuckin’…kick your ass.” They had probably done him a favor, as he had been asleep in the hot tub for almost an hour. None of the three of us were in ideal condition to notice if he went under, let alone help him out.
We started to come down a bit around hour five, and the three of us talked about everything, including philosophy, politics, astronomy, films, school, and on and on. While on the subject of school, Sarah started to get a bit weird.
“My fucking physics class is so hard, I shouldn’t have come here this weekend. I’m going to be in the library for 20 hours straight when we get back.”
“You’ll be fine,” Tyler replied.
“No I won’t. I hate that class. It’s going to kill me. You might as well drown me right now.”
Tyler and I let out some nervous laughter, and I swam over and dunked her head in the water, letting her back up immediately. She then stared straight at me with a manic look in her eyes.
“No, you have to drown me. That won’t do it. Put me under for at least a minute.”
I was confused. She had to be joking.
“Alright, Sarah. I don’t think anyone needs to drown,” I said in a half-serious tone.
“No! You have to drown me NOW! Do it you fucking pussy!!”
Tyler stepped in between us. “Woah guys, I think we’ve all had a bit too much to drink. Let’s chill out.”
In hindsight, telling Sarah to chill out was probably not the best thing to do.
“DROWN ME, YOU BITCHES. YOU WON’T DO IT, YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN SPINE!”
After this, she began to cry profusely, and Tyler and I exchanged a look of bewilderment and confusion. Things had just gone zero to a hundred in no time at all. Luckily, a few of Sarah’s sisters came to rescue her, and were able to put her to bed for the day. During this process, Tyler and I managed to slip out of the hot tub and get far away from the whole situation, having completely sobered. None of us learned any important lessons that day, other than the fact that shit can get real out of nowhere. Also, things always tend to go wrong when hot tubs and illegal substances are involved..