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We used to only experience obnoxious sports fans at the actual game or at the bar. Thanks to social media, however, sports fans (and pretty much everyone else) have gotten a lot worse. Some fans spend every day in other people’s mentions, some fans beg their favorite players to notice them, and other fans tell players to kill themselves. Let’s look at some of the worst:
10. Penn State Nittany Lions
You would have maybe made this list before, but now you defend people that covered up the whole Sandusky mess. Anyone who turns their head away from that is sick, and anyone who defends the head-turners is also sick.
9. St. Louis Cardinals
For some reason every single Cards fan is distorted from reality and thinks that they are the best team in baseball. It’s almost like they believe that the Cards are God’s team and that they are incapable of losing or doing anything bad. Guess what? Y’all broke the law and hacked into the Astros recruiting data. You’re evil.
8. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Your basketball team is okay, but your football team is not. The problem here is that you constantly try to remind everyone of how good your football team used to be…thirty years ago. Recently your team can’t win a bowl game, and more recently they can’t even make a bowl game. Do I need to bring up the national ass-kicking in the national championship a few years ago? What about when the whole fan base defended their star player with the imaginary girlfriend? I want you to say these words with me slowly: We are not good at football anymore.
7. Los Angeles Dodgers
I will start this out by saying “fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuu” and then remind you that you haven’t won a World Series in thirty years. You’re a bunch of assholes that literally murder opposing fans in the parking lot. That’s fucked up. You show up late to the games then leave the games early. Nobody likes you and we definitely don’t like your team, either.
6. Dallas Cowboys
Nothing is worse than being Facebook friends with a bunch of Dallas Cowboys fans when they are winning football games. Combined with the election, this last fall was one of the worst Facebook environments in my life. Mix that with the fact that I am friends with the D.C. Cowboys fans, whose number one goal in life is to talk shit with every Redskins fan they know.
5. Ohio State Buckeyes
O-H! Shut-Up! Can you do anything other than spend all of your time trying to make yourself relevant? Maybe you would be more respected if you didn’t spend all of your time trying to remind everyone why they should respect you. You couldn’t even win your half of the conference last year in football! Sad!
4. Pittsburgh Penguins
Fuck y’all. Fuck Sidney Crosby. Fuck the Penguins.
3. New England Patriots
The whole league hates you. America hates you. Everyone except the football gods hates you, and that makes us hate you more. We get it; y’all win, a lot. It’s June, there’s no reason for you to be bragging on social media about your stupid New England Patriots. Respect for all your championships, but maybe try not cheating next time? And fuck you, Tom Brady.
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
Where do I even start with y’all? Most of you didn’t even graduate high school and I don’t know how half the football team did, either. I’m probably a hater because Alabama just cannot stop winning, but the fans ruin everything. Go listen to the Finebaum show and you’ll understand.
1. Duke Basketball
First off, none of you went to Duke. Y’all couldn’t get into Duke. I know you’ve won a couple national championships recently, but nothing brings me more joy than seeing all of you brag about “this year’s team” and recruiting classes just to watch your asses get bounced in the second round. Y’all are the most obnoxious sports fans in existence. You complain the hardest and never accept a loss. Coach K is the man, but every single one of you “fans” are trash.
Who did I forget?.