High school seniors don’t know shit. If they did, they wouldn’t go long-distance with their high school sweetheart when college rolls around. You know thousands of those naive turds are going to be doing that this fall, though. Then one of them will break it off when they’re both home for Thanksgiving break and the other will cry about it while stuffing their face hole with grandma’s secret recipe pecan pie (the secret ingredient is love. Shhh).
So, can we really trust high school seniors to make good, educated decisions when it comes to where they want to go to college? I’ll leave that up to you to decide. Here are the results of a survey from LTG Exam, a test prep company, that was given to high school seniors. The students were instructed to list where they wanted to go to college.
1. Harvard University
2. Stanford University
3. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
4. Yale University
5. Princeton University
6. University of California Berkeley
7. University of California Los Angeles
8. New York University
9. California Institute of Technology
10. Columbia University
11. Cornell University
12. University of Pennsylvania
13. University of Texas Austin
14. Brown University
15. Duke University
16. Johns Hopkins University
17. Boston University
18. University of Northern Iowa
19. Florida State University
20. University of California San Diego
21. University of Southern California
22. Texas A&M University College Station
23. Georgia Institute of Technology
24. Pennsylvania State University University Park
25. University of Washington
And now, a quick breakdown.
• 99.9% of high school seniors can’t get into the first twelve schools on this list, so they should probably stop reaching for the stars. Reaching for the moon might be a more attainable goal for them. Maybe even just the clouds.
• Apparently, a lot of high school seniors aren’t trying to lose their virginity any time soon by wanting to go to some of these nerd-ass schools. How can you expect to bang face with mad puss if you’re spending 40 hours a week in the lib alternating between studying biology, writing a 30-page pre-midterm thesis paper, and jerking it to the Oregon State library girl’s Snapchat while pretending she is one study cubicle over?
• Northern Iowa? Really? The only logical explanation here is that they surveyed a bunch of northern Iowans. Or a bunch of Kurt Warner fans.
• I assume part of the reason UT-Austin is on the list is because a bunch of high school fratstars found out it’s only seven miles from TFM Headquarters.
• DeVry University would easily be #1 on this list if they switched the word “seniors” out with “agorophobes.”.