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1. Weensie: Old School (2003).
During his first lineup as a pledge, Weensie falls face first off of a 20-foot-high wall with a cinder block tied around his dick and doesn’t even think about dropping. The kid is an absolute wagon. Weensie risks being paralyzed, concussed, and literally emasculated out of sheer commitment to his brothers. Not once does he so much as mention the cinderblock incident throughout the remainder of the film.
He even ends up volunteering to compete in the gymnastics portion of the fraternity’s Greek evaluation. Which is a thing, apparently. He may be a minor character in the movie, but I’ve honestly never seen an individual exhibit such blind trust in the process. You’re my boy, Weensie.
2. Ass Juice: Neighbors (2014).
Some people may question Ass Juice’s place on this list, so allow me to get out in front of the criticism. Did this kid did come dangerously close to accepting a bribe in exchange for ratting out his entire fraternity for hazing violations? Yes, yes he did. I agree that is highly suspect. BUT, did he go through with it? No, he did not. When the chips were down and the time had come to choose between his brothers and a large sum of money, he chose the former.
My man Ass Juice stuck to the G code, and I have to respect him for that. Even if he was tempted by the cash, even if he was getting in the ever-loving bejesus hazed out of him, he chose to stick by his boys, no matter the cost.
Additionally, when asked why he endured all of the hazing involved in his pledge process, Ass Juice responded, “Do you know how many BJs they promised me? Infinite BJs. They promised me infinite BJs.”
3. Pinto: Animal House (1978)
Pinto is the epitome of the innocent, straight-edged, wholesome country boy who goes to college and joins some scumbag rogue fraternity and immediately sinks to their level. He fails his classes, breaks a number of laws, and thoroughly pisses of both local politicians and high-ranking school administrators.
At one point, an older brother in his fraternity forces him to shoplift an absurd quantity of food from a grocery store. He almost gets away with it until an attractive female cashier sees him stealing and calls him out. Pinto nervously tries to defend himself saying, “It’s okay, it’s for a fraternity.” Which is, hands down, the single funniest excuse for committing a crime I’ve ever heard. And it worked! The hot cashier just laughed and said, “It’s okay, I won’t tell.” And, to top it all off, Pinto proceeds to invite the cashier (who just caught him shoplifting, by the way) back to his house where he ends up hooking up with her. Way to think on your feet, Pinto.
4. Bobby: American Pie Presents: Beta House (2007)
Bobby’s first appearance in the film is during his college freshman move-in day. What’s Bobby doing on move-in day? Is he unpacking his shit? Is he decorating his room? No. After what can’t have been more than a few hours in the building, Bobby is already having alarmingly casual afternoon sex on his new twin-sized mattress with some voluptuous young gal in broad daylight. But, that’s not it. While having laid-back afternoon sex on his very first day as a college student, Bobby is simultaneously GRILLING FUCKING BRATWURSTS ON A HOTPLATE NEXT TO HIS BED… (is it possible to learn this power?)
Bobby is a damn wildcard. Plain and simple. He seems like the kind of guy who would be down to get inappropriately drunk on a Tuesday afternoon. Beta House Bobby is, I would argue, the personification of how college is supposed to be enjoyed. Engaging in recklessly casual daytime intercourse while simultaneously grilling up bratwursts in your freshman dorm room – on move-in day of all days – is an all-time legend move..