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Only the University of Wisconsin (my alma mater) could make me care about something as pointless and inane as Pokémon GO. Don’t get me wrong; I was a huge fan of the Pokémon series growing up. Played and beat nearly every game, even the more obscure ones. The only reason I elect not to play Pokémon GO, the current most popular game in the world, is because it betrayed all those who gave its series initial success — fat people. They used to be able to fly from Cinnabar Island to Cerulean City on the flapping wings of a Pidgeot by pressing A with their Cheeto/lotion fingers. Now? They’re relegated to profusely sweating while slowly-but-surely walking a maximum of .10 miles down their street to MAYBE stumble across a Zubat. They’re no more trainers than that moron Fisherman who had 6 lvl. 27 Magikarps in his lineup. Fuck that. Like the obese Pokémon fans who are refusing to play GO, I will not stand for it.
But regardless of the medium through which it is portrayed, even if it is an anti-fat people video game, I’m always on board with a little “fuck the Gophers” tomfoolery.
A critical hit!
It’s super effective!
Sure, the rivalry might be getting a bit stale at this point, with the Gophers having not won a football against the Badgers since 2003, but kicking others while they’re down is as American as it gets. The Treaty of Versailles, dropping the A-bomb on Nagasaki, telling Osama he’s “got a little something” on his face after riddling his bearded cranium with bullets — nobody does it better than America.