Oooooohhhhhhhh, fffffffuuuuucccccckkkkkkkk! Your boy did it again! Wrote an entire column all about shit! For the third time! The haters and losers said it couldn’t be done! Sad!
Could this be the longest-running column in the history of columns? I’m inclined to think so. Why? Well, you know what they say: If you put your mind to it…
Now, with that all out of the way, time to get dumped on.
Man accused of throwing bag of poop at Ingersoll, Ont., town hall
From Global News:
Provincial police say a man is facing charges after allegedly throwing a bag containing feces at a southern Ontario municipal building.
They say officers were called to the town hall in Ingersoll, Ont., on Tuesday morning to investigate a mischief report.
Investigators say they determined a man threw a bag of suspected feces at the front glass doors of the building.
Forget about going to city council meetings or writing to your congressman or any of that other boring nonsense. You want to see some serious change in the way things operate in this country? Then get off your lazy ass, put some shit in a bag, and throw said bag at a building that you feel best represents everything that you believe, quite frankly, has gone to shit. It could be a municipal building. It could be the post office. It could be the bank. Fuck it, it could even be that McDonald’s down the street where the lady working the drive-thru told you they were out of ketchup packets so you had to eat dry-ass fries. Seriously, how the hell does a McDonald’s run out of ketchup packets? Fuck those ketchup packets anyway; not nearly enough ketchup in them.
Anyway, the only way to make some serious change in this world is to galvanize people. Unleash a little bit of anarchy. That Canadian dude knows what’s up. Now, was he intentionally trying to make a political or social statement with his run-by poop attack? Doubtful. Most likely, he’s just some batshit insane person with nothing better to do. But at least he had the right idea.
Family leaves poop surprise for porch pirates
One Knoxville family is hoping to deter thieves away by leaving a decoy box with an unpleasant surprise.
“What we decided was to take the dog’s poop, put it in the empty Amazon box and put it on the front porch and leave a gift that day they’ll never forget,” Sam Tobin said.
The gift inside that decoy package is signed, sealed and delivered by their beloved dog Oden, a boxer mix.
“Was sitting on the couch all day, hoping to catch somebody,” Tobin joked.
Ah, the classic dog-poop-in-a-box trick. Glad to see people out there still doing it.
Delhi Residents Say They’re Getting Rained on By Airline Passenger Poop
People living near Delhi Airport in India claim that poop—human poop, to be exact—has been pelting them from the sky.
Last Friday, the country’s environmental court, the National Green Tribunal, tasked a committee to investigate whether the feces are of human origin. The order came after Delhiites complained, again, that waste has been raining on their homes.
How absurd is this? We may think we have it hard in America, but at least we don’t have shit raining down on us. Talk about the flyover from hell.
“Look, Mom! A plane! But what’s that falling from the sky?”
“Samar, close your mouth and get back in the car.”
Poor Delhiites. Pink eye cases have got to be through the roof..
Image via Pexels