There’s An Intruder Breaking Into Texas A&M Student Apartments, Watching People Sleep, And Ejaculating On Faces

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He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows where he wants to stick his wood. So be woke before he jizzs in your face.

College Station police are looking for a weirdo going around breaking into student apartments after a report on Monday of someone waking up to an intruder standing over them as they slept. This report comes after one in January where a victim woke up to, yep, jizz in the face.

From KBTX:

College Station Police say a person living at The Junction apartment complex reported a break-in early Monday morning. The victim says someone was standing over them while they slept. Police say the unwanted home intruder quickly left after the resident awoke, and no one was physically harmed.

This is the second report made to police about an intruder entering an apartment at that complex since January. Since then, the victim said she woke up when the man who entered her apartment ejaculated on her while she was sleeping.

Investigators are not sure if Monday’s intruder was planning on doing the same.

I don’t know about you, but that’s definitely in my Top 5 of “Things I’d Hate To Wake Up To.” Rounding out the list would be snakes, a creepy child that isn’t mine and doesn’t say a word before running away, bees dying at an alarming rate, and Rosie O’Donnell.

Police are still unsure if the suspect involved in both those cases is the same person or what exactly their intentions are.

The break-ins aren’t exactly new as police have reports from the area dating back to June 2017.

There are stories of a man like standing over someone’s bed and just watching them. Another break-inn happened two doors down from me,” said [Ashley] Castellanos.

That break-in at The Cottages was reported to College Station police last June. In that instance, the victim told officers a man wearing war paint was walking around her house.

Oh, okay, psycho. It’s good to see someone is still fighting the home-grown Viet Cong threat at 3 a.m. They’ll attack when we least expect it which, I assume, will be on the dawn of Taco Tuesday.

Police say at least some of the break-ins are results of people not locking their doors at night. I’m fairly certain more people will be ready and willing to lock their doors after these recent reports though. Unless you enjoy some rando sitting there watching you sleep. That’s between you and him…..and Jesus.

[via KBTX]

Image via Shutterstock

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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