These “Unofficial” Slogans For Every NCAA Basketball Conference Are Awesome, Hilariously Accurate

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With NCAA conference tournaments in full swing and national championship madness right around the corner, folks all around the country are gearing up for what’s known in the degenerate gambling community as, “Fuck you, James Naismith, why did you ever invent basketball?” month.

Knowing comedy is a great way to generate ad revenue to fund said degenerate gambling, the folks over at Sports Pickle just released these hilarious re-imaginations of every major conference’s slogans. I couldn’t resist sharing, and I hope you guys like them, too, because I’ve got some wagering of my own to bankroll this month… *cough SHARE THIS ON FACEBOOK cough*

Check them out:


New logo. Same irrelevance.

Irrelevance? Stony Brook is a powerhouse!


Even we can’t name who’s in this thing.

Well shit, me either.


The one that has VCU now.

Don’t forget about those historic five Philadelphia schools, though.


We much prefer basketball…yet we still have the BCS champion. Suck it, SEC.

I chuckled loudly. Also, suck it, SEC.


Our logo is much of much higher quality than our basketball.

Hey, the guys at Florida Gulf Coast are definitely the exception. Those fellas can ball.


We choose to blame TCU and West Virginia’s performances on their previous conferences.

Going 0-18 in conference play? NF.


Look away if you loved the old Big East.

I did, but I just can’t–these are way too funny.


Let’s see how well you play basketball after working 12 hours on a ranch.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Weber State is this year’s Cinderella, write that down.


Well, South, at least.

I’ve never heard of one school in this conference aside from VMI. Have you?


B1G lack of self-awareness.

But also, B1G reputation as the best conference in the nation. Again, suck it, SEC!


We all get to visit Hawaii, so shut up.

Can’t argue with that.


Conferences? All the cool teams are in associations.

Said the association that’s never won anything, ever.


16 teams. Zero better options.

But there’s a chance LA Tech might make a run.


None of our member schools offer a graphic design major.

Must be true, as this logo is HORRENDOUS.


Basketball is fun to play when you take a break from learning how to run the world.

There’s probably more intelligence in Harvard’s starting five than in the entire SEC.


No, not the MAC. The MAAC. We’re even worse.

I’m from Pennsylvania and I seriously never knew this conference existed.


Scrappy. Terrible, but scrappy.

Somebody’s got to scrap, am I right?


Historically black. Historically bad.

Kind of a misnomer in this sport, no?


Wichita State. And also all the teams that killed their schedule strength.

Ain’t that the truth.


Thin air. Thinner NCAA Tournament résumés.

Like, the thinnest.


If you can name more than two or three of our teams, you seriously need to reevaluate your life.

Well, I can’t, so I’m just going to go right on L-I-V-I-N, man.


Evidence there’s probably too many Division I basketball teams.

Not a shabby logo, though.

PAC-12 (edit 2)_1

At least now we have that coach with the model wife.

I’m not familiar, and my research yielded nothing. Someone fill me in here?


The Ivy League’s Safety Conference.

American University is a prestigious institution, dammit!


Dooooooooonnnn’t Caaaaaaaaarrrrrreeee.

Absolutely nailed it. When in doubt, quote Cutler.


In existence since 1921 for some reason.

Again, I had no idea they even existed. Maybe I’m not as much of a degenerate gambler as I thought?


Wait. Or are we the Southern Conference? Or maybe the Big South? ??? Ahh, who cares.

Not me. And probably not you, either.


Please step over our corpses on the way to the summit.

Not so fast. ND State could be a Cinderella this year, too. Just kidding.


Look at the spinning disc. You are getting verrrrrrrry sleeeeeepy. Or you’re just watching Sun Belt basketball.

Staring at this thing legitimately made me dizzy.


“Athletic” relative to the average person, not actual athletes.

At least their logo reads “swag” if you’re illiterate.


The exclusive college basketball conference of the Stockton Family.

Don’t forget Adam Morrison’s dirty Sanchez ‘stache, either.


For players who are a little bit too good for intramural basketball.

Ending with the haymaker. I love it.

[via Sports Pickle]

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Ashley Schaeffer BMW

Ashley Schaeffer was a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh.

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