“We must stop the terror. I call upon all nations, to do everything they can, to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch this drive.”
Let us reflect on a time when the President of the United States knew how to enjoy a round of golf without looking like a fucking GDI. It’s common knowledge that W wasn’t the most eloquent Commander in Chief, but moments like this are what made him so great. Look at that fucking stroke. He didn’t care that whiny libs were going to lose their shit when they saw him enjoying 18-holes while simultaneously calling for all nations to rise up against terrorism. Maybe it wasn’t the most politically correct time for such a discussion, but fuck all that noise. Bush was TFTC. He wasn’t interested in political intricacies; he was interested in results.
On this, the Opening Day of the 2011 Major League Baseball season, it’s only right that we also acknowledge W’s ability to find the strike zone. He brought the heat during his ceremonial first pitch at Yankee stadium, causing the crowd to erupt with chants of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” Obama brought shame to our national pastime when he threw out his first pitch, looking like a confused jackass wearing a White Sox hat with a Nationals jacket. If you’d told me he was right handed, and had been forced to throw lefty due to injury, I would’ve believed you. That’s how bad he was. Obama might have a jump shot, but he shouldn’t be allowed on the diamond.
Just so our current President doesn’t feel too awful about his inability to throw a baseball like a heterosexual American male, here are 10 of the worst ceremonial first pitches of all time: